THE DESPERATE HOURS
By Moira Purnell with
Contributions by Rachel Zander
Beta Reader: Carol Marsella

Chapter 10

Andy woke with a start and pushed his head out from under the warm blankets, wondering what had caused him to awaken so abruptly. He blinked at the early morning sunlight that was streaming through the open curtains filling the room with its warmth. Then he heard it.

He looked over to where Jess was lying in the bunk next to him, tossing and turning and mumbling agitatedly in his sleep. His blankets lay strewn across the floor and he was having a nightmare. Must be fevering because of his hands.

Andy swung himself out of bed and wrapped his quilt about his shoulders then picked up Jess' blankets from the floor and loosely covered the writhing figure.

"No…. you can't save it. Give me your hand…. I'll pull you through," came the disturbed mumblings again. Andy could tell that Jess was reliving something terrible as he began to thrash about, once again throwing off the covers. "Come on, you can't save it," he shouted repeatedly, his arms flailing in the air.

Andy again retrieved the blankets then hurried to the washstand and dampened a cloth in the cool water of the washbasin. As he gently swabbed Jess' face, the coldness abruptly brought him to his senses.

"NO!" he screamed and sat bolt upright, blinking and shaking his head, bewildered as he tried to recognize his surroundings. "Andy?" he asked as he saw the anxious boy staring down at him.

"It's okay, Jess. You were dreaming." Andy picked up the cool compress and placed it on the nightstand. "You okay, now?" Seeing Jess in such distress, he pulled the quilt tighter around his shoulders as a sudden chill came over him.

"I'm okay, Andy," he replied. "I'm sorry if I frightened you."

"That's all right, Jess," Andy said as he stood up. "Sun's up, I'd best get started on the chores."

Jess swung his legs off the bunk and gingerly pulled on his pants. Although his hands still hurt, the pain was not as bad as it had been yesterday. "I'll help you."

"No, you won't. Remember what the doctor said - no riding and no work for at least a week." Andy stopped in the doorway and glared at Jess.

Jess smiled at the determined boy. With every passing day, he was becoming more and more like Slim. "Okay, okay, I give up. But I ain't staying in bed all day. I can certainly do some of the inside chores and sort out the books for Slim." He stood up and padded to the door.

Jess made his way to the kitchen and put the coffee on. Although he was in need of something much stronger, he knew that coffee would have to suffice for the time being. With the coffee brewed, he poured himself a much-needed cup and wandered into the living room and looked around the cosy space, reflecting on how attached he had become to this place he had come to call home, the first real home he'd had since the fire. As Jess sipped his coffee, he recalled the nightmare that had come back to trouble him once again.

After years of keeping the hurtful memories buried so deep, it amazed him how close to the surface they still were. But with all that had happened over the past few days, he wasn't surprised when the tragedy of his early life had reared its ugly head to haunt him again.

He was brought back to reality as the clock on the mantel struck the hour. He drained his cup and headed to the kitchen. Although he didn't feel much like eating, he knew that both he and Andy would need breakfast, especially with the extra work the boy would have to do while his hands were on the mend.

For the next two days, Andy and Jess went through the motions of living. Each morning, once most of the chores had been completed, Andy headed out to look for Slim, only to return several hours later, exhausted and disheartened that there was no sign of him anywhere. The doctor returned as promised and was pleased to see that Jess' hands were healing well. He even said that Jess would soon be able to resume some of the lighter chores, news that both Jess and Andy welcomed gladly.

Jess watched Andy closely and it tugged at every fibre of his being to see the youngster bottling up his grief and trying to face life with a smile, as he tried to be a man for Jess' sake.

But Jess knew better. He was only too well aware of what Andy was going through; heck, he'd gone through it himself. Although both were trying to keep their spirits up, by evening the mood in the little house grew dim along with the setting sun. Mort stopped by to check on things and to report that he still had a couple of deputies out searching for Slim, but he had to admit that the chances of finding him were becoming fewer as the days went by.

Something had to be done, so as they sat on the porch and watched the discouraged sheriff ride away, Jess broached the subject of his going out to look for Slim.

"No, Jess, no. You can't go. What if something happens to you?" Andy argued as the thought of his losing Jess flooded his thoughts. "You can't leave me alone; you just can't." He leaned against the porch rail as he tried to hide his grief.

Jess took him by the shoulders and Andy buried his face into the faded blue shirt. Jess hushed the boy, speaking to him gently. "It's okay, Andy. You won't lose me, I promise."

"Promise you won't go! You know the doctor said you shouldn't be riding yet. I'll go out again tomorrow with the sheriff's deputies; maybe we can still find him." Andy raised his tear filled eyes and looked anxiously at Jess, searching for his affirmation.

"Okay, Andy. I promise," Jess replied reluctantly. For now, he added silently. He desperately wanted to get out to the bluff and look for his lost partner, but he knew he had to be patient.

Chapter 11

Amy had just finished pouring her third cup of tea when she heard it start up again. She quickly put down her cup and rushed to the young man's side, dampening the compress in the washbowl next to his bed and placing the cool cloth on his burning forehead. She quietly sat and listened as he moaned and mumbled unintelligibly, tormented by his endless nightmares.

Although she longed to reach out and wake him to prevent this needless suffering, Millie had made it very clear that his reliving his memories through his nightmares might be the only way he would remember his past. Ben had told her to try to make him as comfortable as possible but he agreed with Millie's suggestion.

Eager to help the stranger remember any part of his identity, Amy had reluctantly gone along with her sister's request but it had been over four days already and he was no closer to the truth than when they had first found him. In fact, he now seemed terrified at the thought of going to sleep and only sheer exhaustion had forced him to finally close his eyes and seek needed rest.

No longer able to endure watching his anguish and fearing that he would further injure his already bruised and broken body as he thrashed about in bed and cried out in agony, she stood up decisively and firmly shook his shoulders, rousing him from his tortured sleep.

His eyes flew open and he looked up in terror as he was abruptly awakened. Then he recognized the worried face peering down at him. He raised his arms and placed both hands on his face, as though trying to rub away the horror that his mind had forced him to experience yet again.

"Thanks for waking me up, Amy," he whispered softly as she dabbed the perspiration from his face with the cool cloth.

She sat next to him on the bed and ran her fingers through his tousled hair. "I couldn't let you keep dreaming like that. You're going to hurt yourself." She looked up as Millie stepped across the room, a frown of disapproval on her face.

"Why did you wake him up? You know he'll never remember if we keep waking him every time he has a nightmare," said Millie, crossing her arms and glaring at her sister. She longed to tell Amy what she knew, especially given that her father was no closer to telling Slim anything about his identity or his past. She had hoped that his memory would return if given enough time.

Amy glared right back and stood up in anger. "No! Maybe you think its fine to let a man suffer like that but I don't, and I don't care how it may help him remember - no person should have to go through that."

Seeing the anguished look on his face, Amy gently patted his shoulder and smiled. "Don't worry; I'll take care of this. You just try to rest."

Panic crossed Slim's face as he stared into her warm eyes. "Please don't go - don't leave me alone," he pleaded softly.

Her heart tugged at the quiet helplessness of his tone and she leaned over and gently kissed his warm forehead. "Don't worry, I'll just be outside. I won't be long."

He nodded and leaned back. As she looked at him, she could not help but feel for him, realizing that he must have been a very independent and strong-willed man before his accident and this vulnerable situation he had been forced into was wreaking havoc with him.

Knowing what she had to do to help him, she stood up and took her sister's arm, leading her out of the room and onto the front porch.

Amy continued further into the small yard until she was certain she was far enough from the house to not be overheard then she looked at her sister, her expression grave.

"We have to do something to help him, Millie."

"What do you have in mind?" Millie asked, knowing that her sister already had a plan.

"We have to find someone who knows him, someone like this Jess he keeps calling for in his sleep. Maybe Jess is his brother. Anyhow, I think that may be the only way to help him," she said bluntly.

Millie looked down at the muddy ground and distractedly kicked at a pebble. "And just how are we supposed to do that?"

Amy turned away and clasped her hands behind her back, contemplating how she was going to convince her sister to go along with her plan. When she turned back toward Millie, her expression was troubled.

"His nightmares are getting worse, and I don't think they will improve until he remembers who he is. But he's so scared to go to sleep that he is doing everything he can to prevent himself from closing his eyes. He'll never get better this way - his ribs and his bruises are not healing as quickly as they should either. Not to mention his head injury…. And he's still fevering, most likely from exhaustion. We need to find this Jess. I think that will be the only way he'll improve."

Millie nodded in agreement and crossed her arms, deep in thought. "He was obviously in good shape before this happened. You've seen his hands, Amy, and he looks like he is a hard worker. But how do you think we're going to find this Jess? We don't even know where to look."

Amy frowned and walked closer to the porch, slumping down on the top step and resting her chin on her fist. "That's what I am trying to figure out. Maybe if one of us went back to where we found him - we may have missed something or perhaps there is a trail to follow. He wasn't on a horse so he had to have walked from wherever he was injured."

Millie leaned over and rested a hand on her sister's shoulder. "You win, Amy. I'll just get my shawl and see what I can find."

Amy smiled and stood up, taking Millie's arm in her hand. "Thank you, Millie. But I can go if you prefer."

Millie shook her head. "No, he needs you right now and he trusts you. See what you can do to keep him comfortable. Besides, I don't mind getting my feet wet," she added with a grin. "And try to keep me out of trouble with Pa."

"And just how do you expect me to do that? You can't stay out of trouble at the best of times and we're directly disobeying him by doing this," Amy retorted, feigning annoyance.

Millie chuckled and hurried out of the yard as Amy crossed her fingers, praying that her sister would find the missing link to the man's identity.

* * * * *

"Amy! Where's your sister?" called Ben as he stepped into the quiet little cabin.

Amy looked up from her book then over at the sleeping figure on the bed next to where she was sitting. She raised a finger to her lips and shushed her father as she stood up and placed her book on her chair.

"In the yard," she whispered, taking her father's elbow and leading him into the kitchen.

Ben looked over his shoulder at the sleeping man and smiled tightly. "He finally sleeping some?" He frowned as he watched Amy pour him a cup of coffee.

"Yes, thank goodness. It took me a long time to get him to go back to sleep but I think he is too worn out to be dreaming now. I'm staying close to him just in case. He's in a lot of pain and I think that his ribs are hurting him from lying in the same position for so long."

Ben nodded and rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "At least he's getting better. Discomfort is a good sign when a man is healing, Amy. But not getting much sleep can't be helping. It doesn't seem to be doing much for you, either. Why don't you try to get some rest, Lass?" he suggested gently as he tenderly lifted her chin and peered into her bloodshot green eyes.

She smiled tiredly at him and pulled away. "I'll have plenty of time to rest when he is better, Father. He still needs me and I intend to stay with him until he no longer does."

"You're so much like your mother, you know that? It's too bad you never had a chance to really know her," he said sorrowfully, pausing as he struggled to control his emotions. The man's disconcerting presence was stirring up memories and feelings that he wanted to keep buried. "Oh, did you say where your sister was?" he asked suddenly, changing the subject.

"The last time I saw her, she was in the yard," she replied, keeping her eyes down.

He looked at her and raised an eyebrow, studying her face intently. "Amy, there is one thing that you have never been able to do and that is lie to me. What are you keeping from me?"

She sighed and leaned against the small kitchen table, straightening the folds of her skirt and looking over at the sleeping figure across the room.

"I think she's gone to the place where we found him - She wants to see if she can find this man named Jess, the one he keeps calling out for in his sleep."

She did not expect her father's strong reaction to her words. His face paled and he gripped the edge of the counter, swallowing repeatedly as he tried to regain his composure. "When did she go?" he asked, taking her arm and squeezing it tightly.

She winced and pulled away as he father realized what he was doing. "About an hour ago. Why? What's wrong, Father?"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "I reckon I can't keep it hidden any longer. I promised Millie I'd tell you and I guess she figures this way I'll have to say something now."

"Say what, Father? What does Millie want you to tell me?" she asked anxiously.

"Come with me. It sounds like he's waking up again and this is something that both of you should hear."

Ben gently took her by the arm and led her into the small bedroom where Slim was rubbing his tired eyes and doing his best to stretch despite his injuries. He smiled in recognition as he saw Amy, then his smile changed to a frown when he noticed the anxious look on her face.

"What's the matter, Amy?" he whispered weakly.

She smiled reassuringly and took her usual position on the stool next to his bed. Ben picked up a chair from the living room and set it down at the foot of the bed and sat down.

Slim looked from Amy to Ben, frowning in confusion and waiting for an explanation. When none seemed forthcoming, he reached out for Amy's slender arm.

"What's wrong, Amy?"

"There is something that I need to tell you, Slim," stated Ben, his eyes roving from Slim's anxious face to Amy's. As he spoke the name, Amy looked up in shock but the young man's features remained unchanged.

"But, I thought-" Amy started to speak, but her father interrupted her.

"I know, Amy. I should have said something earlier but I have my reasons. Yes, I know who you are, Young-man, and I am sorry that I didn't say something sooner." He held his head in his hands, the shame of his actions weighing heavily upon him.

"What are you saying, Ben?" Slim asked, baffled that such knowledge had been kept from him.

"I'm saying that I know who you are and I have known since we found you. Does the name 'Slim Sherman' mean anything to you?" He frowned at the bruised and confused face staring up at him from the bed.

Slim closed his eyes for a moment then opened them and shook his head. "No, it doesn't. Everything is a just complete blank." He looked up helplessly.

"What about the name 'Jess'?" Amy asked softly.

Slim again shook his head and sighed. "Nothing - it's like there is nothing, no memories except what I've known over the past few days. And even that is really fuzzy," he said sadly.

"Was that what you wanted to tell us, Father?" asked Amy, breaking her father out of his slump.

"No, Amy. You'd best get comfortable. This is a long story… It all started when I met your mother and we decided to get married…"

* * * * *

"So you see, Slim, that is why I didn't want to tell you what I knew." Ben sat back in his chair and sighed, rubbing his aching temples. At least now Amy and Slim knew the whole truth. What that would mean for their future was out of his hands and it would be up to Slim Sherman to make the decision.

Slim wearily rubbed his eyes and leaned back into the soft pillows. His head ached from the overwhelming amount of information the older man had given him and he just wanted it all to go away.

"I just wish I could remember something, anything," he said feebly.

Amy looked at him and gently brushed a lock of blond hair from his brow. She could tell from his face that hearing the story had completely drained him and she cringed as she thought of the nightmares it was bound to stir up.

"Why don't you try to get some rest now…Slim?" she said, allowing the unfamiliar name to roll off her tongue. "You need to sleep now and maybe some of this will start to come back to you."

He seemed terrified at the thought of sleeping and the nightmares it would undoubtedly bring and she softly ran her hand across his flushed cheek. Amy could see how distressed he was by what her father had told him - his fever had worsened again and he seemed very uncomfortable.

"I'll stay right here with you, Slim. Close your eyes and rest," she said soothingly as she started to hum softly to him.

Ben stiffly stood up and set the chair back into the living room. He peered out through the small window, anxious for Millie's return, knowing that she would not come back until she had found this elusive Jess who seemed to mean so much to Slim Sherman. Having seen how his words had affected the young man, he sincerely hoped that Jess would be the person who could help Slim.

Chapter 12

Jess sat quietly rocking on the porch, enjoying the early morning birdsong and the crisp morning breeze. As he gazed up at the heavens and watched billowy white clouds race across the deep azure sky, he could not help but marvel at the world and the beauties it held. No matter what trials life chose to send man, its natural beauty could still comfort the most troubled of souls.

As he sipped his coffee, he thought on what the future now held in store for him and for Andy as well. Jess never would have imagined that anything like this could happen, least of all to the Sherman boys. What had they done to deserve this horror? Andy and Slim were decent and kind and honest to a fault.

Jess glanced at the empty chair next to him and sighed deeply as he remembered the quiet evenings spent together with Slim, just talking and enjoying each other's companionship. In the short time he had lived at the ranch, he had shared a lot of himself with Slim, something he'd never done before with any other person. But Slim was different; this place was different. Here he had finally found peace, content to leave the 'big open', as Slim called it, far behind him. Jess thought about the happiness he had begun to allow himself to feel, only now to have it once again violently torn away from him. Would he ever find happiness such as this again?

The loud fussing of the hens brought him back to reality as he heard the back door open and Andy's voice came floating on the air as he fed the hungry brood. Jess eased himself up out of his rocker and ambled over to the side of the house. He leaned against the wall by the kitchen door and watched Andy. A young boy who should stay that way for a long time yet, he thought sadly, but the world wasn't going to let him. It was going to force him to manhood. He's going to miss so much, Jess mused, just like I did.

It had been several days since Jess had last suggested that he head out to look for Slim. He was getting restless and his hands were definitely on the mend. There was no stabbing pain anymore, just a mild tingling as the skin healed. Nevertheless, the doctor had insisted that he avoid any heavy work and riding.

"Morning, Jess," Andy said brightly as he tipped the last of the grain onto the ground, sending eager hens scurrying in all directions to greedily be the first to reach it. "Breakfast?"

Jess smiled and nodded as he followed Andy into the small kitchen. He refilled his cup and sat at the small roughly hewn table, watching as Andy prepared their meal. Andy was the picture of complete domesticity, apron wrapped twice about his tiny waist, sleeves rolled up, and whistling quietly as he worked. Jess rose and got to the task of setting the table as Andy tended to the ham that was sizzling in the pan. Satisfied at his culinary accomplishments thus far, he cut chunks of bread, which he slathered in thick, sweet butter in an attempt to soften the stale dry slices.

Andy finally sat down and placed the platter of savoury ham in the middle of the table. "Help yourself, Jess," the young cook said, taking one slice of well-cooked meat for himself along with a piece of bread.

"Looks great, Andy," said Jess as he took a mouthful. "Mmm, tastes good too, better than my efforts at cooking and that's for sure."

Jess looked across at Andy, who simply stared at his plate and poked aimlessly at his food without actually eating anything. Jess tried to lighten the mood. "You'll make someone a great wife one day." He chuckled softly at his wit but got no rise out of his friend.

Jess studied his companion, feeling the pain that was eating away at him. Feelings that were all too familiar to Jess, it was a pain that he had prayed he would never have to feel again. It was the worst kind of ache - the pain of losing someone you cared for. He knew Andy was trying to deal with the sudden loss of his older brother but he could only look on in anguish as Andy fought the battle alone.

Jess had to so something and he could only think of one very necessary course of action that he could take. He had to find Slim - even if it was only his friend's body - and provide closure for Andy, and for himself. At least then they could heal and try to get on with the daily task of living. Without Slim. Jess closed his eyes as he thought about the sad reality of the situation. Could he cope without Slim, but most importantly, could Andy?

"Andy?"

Andy looked up from his untouched food. "Yeah, Jess?" He met the yearning gaze, knowing what it meant. "No, Jess; you promised."

"Andy, it's the only way. I can't sit by and watch you torture yourself like this. You have to let me try and find him," Jess pleaded softly.

Andy rose abruptly from his chair as tears of anger welled in his eyes. "You promised, Jess, you promised." He grabbed his plate and trudged into the kitchen, and then it happened, the explosion that Jess had been waiting for. Andy violently threw the plate at the wall, sending it smashing into a thousand pieces, and bolted from the house to the yard.

Jess pushed his plate away, his appetite gone. Why had he even suggested it? He knew what would happen; he just wished he knew what to say to the boy. He took a deep breath and hurried outside just in time to see Andy run into the barn knowing Andy was headed for his favoured place of solace, the hayloft, or what was left of it.

Jess entered the shadowy interior and climbed into the smoky loft, all the while listening to the quiet sobs. At least he's finally letting it out. Maybe that's the best thing for him right now. Might be best to leave him be and let him cry it out. As he continued to listen, Jess thought better of it and continued his ascent, eager to comfort the troubled boy. Reaching the top, he saw the small figure huddled in a corner. He quietly walked over to the boy and knelt beside him.

"Andy?"

He took the boy by the shoulders and pulled him to his knees. Andy raised his head and threw his arms round Jess' neck, at last letting go of the grief that was consuming him. Jess held him close as he settled himself against the rough charred wall.

"Will the pain ever go away, Jess?" Andy gasped between sobs.

Jess hugged the boy closer. "It never really goes away, Andy. It just gets more bearable, that's all. Soon, all you'll remember will be the good times you and Slim had together."

Andy continued to bury his face in the folds of Jess' shirt, his sobbing growing more intense. "I can't do it, Jess. I just can't take the thought of Slim being gone and being alone."

Jess swallowed hard, trying to ignore the growing lump in his throat, and held the boy at arm's length. "Never think you're alone, Andy," he replied soothingly. "I'll always be here with you and Jonesy too."

Andy buried his face once more as the sobs ripped through his small form. Grief was hard for anyone to bear but it was even worse for a child who had already lost so much.

"Jess, what am I going to do without him?"

"You're going to do what Slim would want and that is to carry on living. You know that's what he'd want you to do, Andy. Slim was so proud of you and he wanted so much more for you than just the ranch."

Andy sat up straighter and wiped the tears from his eyes. "School?"

"Yes, school," Jess affirmed. "And I'm going to do my darnedest to see that you get there."

After what seemed like hours, Andy finally settled and Jess realized that the youngster had fallen asleep. Jess sighed and rested his head against the wall behind him. He closed his eyes and within moments, he too was sleeping peacefully.

* * * * *

It was the sound of horses' hooves entering the yard that awakened Jess. Although Andy stirred, he did not wake up, even when Jess carefully moved Andy's head so that he could stand up. He gingerly made his way down the ladder and out into the bright midday sun, scanning the yard for the newcomer. He looked up to see Mort Cory pounding on the front door and calling his name.

"Here, Mort," Jess called across the yard as he approached the weary lawman.

"There you are, Jess. Thought maybe you had gone out to find…" Mort let the words drift off as Jess shook his head. "Just thought I would drop by and see how you and young Andy are doing."

"Why don't you come inside and have some coffee? I was just about to make some." Jess opened the front door and the two men stepped inside.

Mort settled himself at the kitchen table while Jess placed the coffee pot onto the stove to brew. "Where's Andy?"

"He's in the hayloft," replied Jess as he found two clean cups and placed them on the table along with the sugar.

"What's he doing in the hayloft?" asked Mort as he fiddled with the sugar bowl and spoon.

"Sleeping, finally." Jess looked at Mort, his expression grave. "He's been holding on so tight to his grief..." He lowered his eyes. "We both have." Then he looked up at the old family friend. "I suggested going out to look for Slim again and he just broke down. Smashed a plate and ran."

Mort noted the broken china as Jess stooped to clean it up.

"Maybe that's a bad idea, Jess. Andy needs you right now, you can't desert him."

"I'm not deserting him," Jess snapped. After having to deal with Andy, his own emotions were now closer to the surface than he liked. "I just want some closure for him, and for me, that's all. Is that too much to ask?" He abruptly turned his back to Mort and kicked the trash bucket, toppling it over and spilling its contents onto the floor. He cussed at the mess and at himself for having been so foolish. Quickly he set about putting the bucket to rights and cleaning up the filth from the floor.

"Can't leave you alone in the kitchen for two minutes without you making a mess," came a soft voice.

Andy was standing in the kitchen doorway scowling at Jess, and then a weak smile spread across his face and he nodded to the stove, noting the boiling pot. "Coffee's ready."

Jess stood up and eyed the boy. Andy smiled and walked towards him, wrapping his arms around Jess' waist and hugging him tightly. Jess returned the hug and lifted the boy's face to meet his own. "You feel better now?"

Andy nodded. "Yeah, Jess," said Andy with conviction. "Hi Sheriff," he greeted warmly.

"Hi, Andy. Just came by to see how you two were making out." Cory looked at Jess and winked. "And it looks to me like you two are making out just fine." He paused and snapped his fingers. "Dang it, I knew there was another reason why I rode out this way. Telegram came this morning addressed to Slim." He rummaged in his pockets and pulled out a crumpled slip of paper. "It's from Jonesy," he announced as he handed it to Jess.

Jess' face brightened as he read the short message.

"What is it, Jess? What does he say?" Andy pestered, tugging at Jess' sleeve.

"Says he's had the operation and is feeling 'fit as a fiddle'." The cozy little room filled with smiles and laughter as Jess read on. "He should be home in a couple of weeks." He handed the telegram to Andy, who reread the good news.

"Finally some good news," said Jess, smiling. Then a dark cloud came over him as he thought of how he was going to have to break the news about Slim to the old timer. And just as Jonesy is likely to be feeling as though he's on top of the world, too.

At that moment, Mort caught sight of the glum expression, realized what Jess was thinking and hauled him back from the impending gloom. "Now, where's that coffee you promised me, Jess?"

* * * * *

By the end of the day, both Jess and Andy's moods were definitely on the rise. Although Jess still couldn't do very much work, he insisted on helping Andy as much as he could. They gladly spent the afternoon enjoying the companionship of working side by side and every once in a while engaging in some long missed horseplay.

Their supper was a modest one, as each was tired and eager for his bed. As the moon rose to its fullest, it sent rays of white light dancing through the small bedroom window. The two friends lay in their beds, waiting for sleep to take them to some distant land of solace.

"Jess, you awake?"

"I'm awake, Andy. Something wrong?"

"No, nothing's wrong, I've just come to decision, that's all."

Jess rolled onto his side and looked at the small boy lying in Slim's oversized bunk.

"Decision about what, Andy?" Jess' heart skipped a beat, full of hope that Andy was finally going to relent and allow him to go on with his search for Slim.

"I've decided I don't want to leave the ranch." He sat up and eagerly turned to Jess. "We can make a go of this place, I just know we can, Jess." He paused and bowed his head. "Leastways I'd like to try, for Slim's sake, if nothing else. He loved this place so much, I can't just abandon it. Will you help me, Jess? Or at least think about staying on here with me?"

Jess quickly sat up - he didn't need time to think about it. This was his home and Andy was his family. "Slim always said this was my home and he was right, Andy. It's not going to be easy for any of us but Jonesy will be back soon and my hands are healing up just fine."

As if by magic, the moon's brilliance lit up the small room, and the two friends smiled contentedly.

Jess laughed softly as Andy yawned, suddenly seeing a tired little boy sitting before him. "Well, if we're going to make a success of this place we'd best get some sleep, Partner."

"Yeah, Jess." Andy yawned again and nestled down beneath his covers.

All too soon, Jess could hear the quiet steady breathing, reassuring him that Andy was finally at rest.

They had withstood the long desperate hours together, bearing scars that would heal with the passage of time and that the world would never see. Tomorrow would be the dawning of a new day for them, filled with purpose and hope for their new future.

* * * * *

Exhausted after days without a decent night's sleep, Jess was sure that he would have no trouble finding rest, but as he tossed and turned restlessly in the darkness of night, his body cried out for sleep but his mind kept replaying his conversation with Andy. Although he was pleased with the outcome of the discussion earlier that evening, the thought of assuming the responsibility of caring for Andy and the ranch scared him and he could not bring himself to settle down. What did he know about raising a young boy or caring for a large spread? Finally giving up on the idea of getting to sleep, he opened his eyes and looked over at the small sleeping figure on the bed next to him. At least Andy was sleeping peacefully and that was a relief to him.

He quietly dressed and padded into the living room where he stoked the fire and watched the flames flicker amid the embers. His eyes moved about the room, taking note of every nook and cranny, each picture that hung on the wall, each stick of handmade furniture. Then his gaze fell upon the leather couch that sat beneath the window. Seems strange to think you won't ever be sitting there again, Pard.

He had just closed his eyes for a moment when a sudden noise from outside put him into full alert. He hurried to the window and strained to see through the blackness as he held his breath and listened, fearing his ears were playing tricks on him. There it was again, a low moaning sound, like a voice on the wind. As he strained to hear, he was certain he could make out a voice, low and distant but a voice nevertheless and it was calling to him.

"Jess… Jess..." Then it was gone.

Disturbed by the eerie sound, Jess moved to the door and took his gun from its holster, stopping to listen.

"Help me, Jess." There it was again.

He slowly opened the door and cautiously stepped onto the porch. He looked around but could see no one.

Jess could feel a gentle breeze ruffle his hair and tumbleweeds drifted about in the yard, kicking up small dust clouds in their wake.

"Help me, Jess."

The cry was so mournful and pleading and it sounded like it was coming from the barn. Jess carefully made his way to the side door of the barn and waited. A strong gust of wind suddenly blasted through the darkness and Jess jumped as a shutter thumped loudly. He took a deep breath, crinkling his nose at the lingering acrid smell of burnt wood, annoyed with himself for being so edgy.

He carefully unlatched the repaired barn door and stepped into the shelter of the small building. There was always a lamp kept on the shelf by the door and he felt for it in the darkness, hoping that Andy had remembered to replace it after the fire. Pleased to find it, he struck a match and lit the wick. After adjusting the level of the flame so that he could see, he stealthily made his way through the barn.

No one, he thought, irritated.

"This is ridiculous," he snapped impatiently. Traveler gave a gentle snort as Jess leaned against his friend's flank, calmly stroking him. "Sorry, Boy. Just a little jumpy is all."

"Jess, help me."

"Who's there? Show yourself," Jess snarled and cocked his weapon, ready to fire as soon as the intruder showed his face. Still nothing.

Jess moved quietly to Alamo's stall - it sounded like the sound had come from right there. But when he lunged into the stall, brandishing his pistol, Alamo just turned his large gentle head and snorted at him, alarmed at Jess' behaviour. Jess patted the big chestnut. Must be hearing things.

Jess uncocked his pistol and headed for the door but just as he was about to blow out the lamp, he saw something lying on the shelf next to where the lamp normally sat. He lifted the lamp to get a better view of the item. The object was red and vaguely familiar; he moved closer and reached out to touch it. Then recognition hit, it was Slim's bandana. What's Slim's bandana doing in the barn? Wasn't he wearing it the day he…the day he disappeared! Jess grabbed it and headed for the house, yelling for Andy as he ran.

"Jess, Jess!" Andy yelled.

Jess' eyes flew open as he realized he was still in his bed. He blinked to clear his blurred vision and looked up to see a very concerned Andy standing over him.

"He's alive, Andy. Slim's alive."

Chapter 13

Andy simply stared at him for a moment as he considered what Jess had just said. He was not really sure that he had heard correctly. Slim, alive? No, he couldn't be… I know he's dead. He has to be dead. He looked worriedly at Jess, who by this time was sporting a broad grin.

"What do you mean 'Slim's alive', Jess?"

Jess threw off the covers and pulled on his pants and boots, realizing that there was no way he would get back to sleep now. Eyeing the clock on the bedside table, he was relieved to see that it would be dawn soon. He looked at Andy and instantly noted the concerned frown on the youngster's face.

"Come on, Andy. It's cold in here; let's go sit by the fire. 'Sides, I could really use a coffee," he said as he led Andy into the living room.

Andy sat down and patiently waited while Jess hurried to the kitchen and started to heat some water for coffee.

"What did you mean when you said that Slim was alive, Jess?" Andy repeated, calling toward the kitchen.

Jess stepped out from behind the wall and smiled happily. "It's hard to explain, but I know he's alive. I just know it."

Jess turned away again as the water started to boil. It took him only a moment to prepare his coffee and he eagerly sipped the steaming brew as he walked back toward the fireplace.

As Jess rocked himself in his chair, he peered over the rim of his cup at Andy, noting how drawn his young features were as the boy sat staring into the fire. He could not help but cringe as he thought of what all of this was doing to Andy and he hoped that his words would relieve the boy.

"Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you know he's alive?"

"I can't explain how, Andy - I just know. I'm sure that Slim is alive and I'm gonna find him."

Andy lowered his eyes and looked away. He had been adamant about Jess not going to look for Slim's body but he now questioned whether that had been the right thing to do. Although Jess' hands were healing well, he wondered if it were not his mind that now needed to heal from the emotional turmoil of losing Slim. Jess had mentioned needing closure and Andy had believed that Jess had meant it was for his sake but he could now see that Jess needed closure even more than he did.

"Jess, Slim is dead. You said yourself that he would have come home or at least gotten word to us if he were able. We both have to accept it and move on," Andy urged.

Anger flashed in Jess' eyes and he abruptly stood up. "No, Andy. I am not going to accept it. Slim isn't dead!" he yelled, startling the boy.

Seeing the shocked expression on Andy's face, Jess took a deep calming breath and hit the wall in frustration with his bandaged fist, wincing as pain shot through his arm.

"I'm sorry, Andy. I have no cause to yell at you. You're right, Slim would have let us know if he were able," he stammered, looking down at his feet and trying to control emotions that were so close to the surface. "But what if he couldn't get word to us," he whispered as he looked questioningly at the boy.

Andy stood up and placed a small comforting hand on Jess' back. "I'm sorry too, Jess. I should have let you go looking for him sooner. I had no right to force you to stay, that was selfish of me and I'm real sorry," he said haltingly as a single tear coursed down his cheek.

Jess turned to look at him, his face creasing in concern. He reached out and wrapped his arms around the distraught boy, squeezing him in a reassuring hug. "It's okay, Andy," he whispered soothingly as he gently rubbed the youngster's back.

Andy gradually calmed and sniffled quietly as he pushed away from Jess, comforted by the warm embrace. "You have to find him, Jess. Even if it's only his body, we have to bring him home. He belongs with Ma and Pa up on the hill. Please Jess," he pleaded as he looked up with red-rimmed eyes.

The softly spoken words were too much for Jess as a flood of memories over the profound loss of his own family came rushing back at him and amplified his own grief. He abruptly pulled the boy toward him and held him as he tried to hide his own tears. "I will, Andy. I'll bring Slim home, I promise," Jess said, clearing his throat as his voice cracked.

Andy again pushed away and looked directly at his friend, "It's okay to cry, Jess. I know how much you cared about Slim - he was your best friend. You don't have to be strong for me. I won't tell anyone."

Jess gazed into the warm brown eyes until he no longer could hold back his emotions, then he hastily headed for the door and out into the darkness. Andy watched silently as Jess stepped onto the porch and into the concealing shadows of the early dawn, relieved when he heard his friend finally release some of grief that he had so stoically held back for so long.

You'll feel better, now, Jess. Maybe after tomorrow we'll finally find some peace and we can start trying to put our lives back together.

Chapter 14

The sun was shining brightly and a steady warm breeze rustled through the leaves in the trees as Jess looked up from his painstaking search and slowed Traveler's pace. As the horse stopped and began to munch on the lush green grass growing along to the stream, Jess pulled off his hat and wiped a sleeve across his face. He ran his hand through his hair and jammed his hat back on his head, frowning as he looked into the distance.

Despite the breeze, the day was far warmer than he had expected and his muscles ached from spending long hours in the saddle. As he raised his arms above his head and stretched, he was amazed at how quickly his body had become unaccustomed to hard riding. He carefully dismounted and knelt next to the water's edge, cooling his stinging hands in the clear water of the stream and looking for any trace of his friend. He stared up at the bright blue sky, knowing that he only had a few hours of daylight left and he was no closer to finding Slim than he had been at the start of his day.

He groaned as he looked down at his hands, knowing that Andy and the doctor were going to be very displeased. Although his hands had healed sufficiently to get back to his regular routine, holding the reins all day had caused the sensitive new skin of his palms to crack in several places and blood now seeped through. As he tried to pull on his gloves, he cried out in pain as the swollen fingers rebelled and he angrily shoved the black gloves into his pocket. He had to find Slim's body soon, knowing that once Andy saw his hands, he would not be able to head out again until the burns had healed for good.

He again stuck his hands in the soothing cool water as he considered his next move, squinting at the bright sunlight reflecting off the small ripples on the water's surface. Looking across the water as he scanned the other bank, his gaze fell upon an irregularity and he pushed his hat up on his head as he tried to determine what had caught his attention.

His heart skipped a beat when he identified the unexpected item. Forgetting the pain in his hands, he lunged into the stream and rushed to the other side. As he knelt in the small pebbles, he could not help but smile when he picked up the tattered piece of cloth, recognizing it immediately. He cringed when he noticed the bloodstains but he was relieved to have found it - there was no mistaking Slim's red bandana.

Before he could allow the full significance of his find to sink in, he stiffened instinctively as he heard someone approach from behind. Despite the pain in his hand, he stealthily drew his gun and spun around in one smooth motion. As he deftly aimed at the intruder, his jaw dropped. The startled young woman gasped when she saw the gun. Jess holstered it and rushed toward her even as her eyes rolled back in her head and she slowly folded to the ground.

Catching her as she fell, he gently laid her in the soft grass and felt her face with the back of his hand, taken aback at the beauty of her features and her long raven-black hair. Satisfied that she would be fine, he hurried to the water's edge and dampened his bandana in the stream then returned to her side and softly swabbed her pale face with the cool cloth.

He leaned back on his haunches and watched her as she started to stir and moan softly. As she opened her eyes and blinked a few times, Jess could not help but stare at her - he had never seen such bright green eyes. 'Just like a pair of emeralds.' When she looked up at him and arched her eyebrow, he realized that he was staring and looked away, blushing slightly.

"Sorry for startling you, Ma'am. But, uh, when you came up behind me like that," he stammered, not seeming to remember how to speak coherently.

She giggled and stuck out her hand, gratefully accepting his assistance and getting to her feet. As she tightened her grip, he winced and pulled back his injured hand, cradling it as he hurried to the stream and plunged his hand into the cool water.

She hastened to him. "I'm sorry, Sir. Let me see," she said as she reached for his arm.

He pulled away and abruptly stood up, hiding his injured limb behind his back. "It's fine, Ma'am. Just something I did a few days ago is all."

She seemed unconvinced as she straightened up and put her hands on her hips. "That does not look like nothing. Now let me see," she ordered.

Jess was taken aback at her tone but he obediently held out his hand, flinching as she looked at his palm and gently rubbed her finger along the damaged skin.

"This needs to be cleaned and properly bandaged or infection is very likely going to set in. Just what did you do to yourself to get your hands this burned?" she scolded, her eyes meeting his.

He looked away and swallowed hard - she was even worse than Andy and the doctor. "Had a bit of a fire in the barn from all that lightning the other night, as if that was really any of your business," he said in annoyance, finally recovering some of his composure.

She smiled disarmingly and chuckled. "I'm sorry, you'll have to forgive me but I can't help it. Truce?" She held out her hand.

Jess smiled and held out his hand, watching as she shook it very gently.

"I suppose the proper thing to do now is introduce ourselves," she continued, a playful grin on her face. "I don't meet very many strangers around here so you'll have to forgive my lack of experience in the field of proper etiquette. I'm not very skilled at it yet."

"I know what you mean," Jess replied with a chuckle.

"My name is Millie Doyle and I'm very pleased to meet you, Sir."

"Oh, don't call me 'sir' - don't suit me too well," he said with a grin. "My name's Harper, Jess Harper."

Her eyes widened as he spoke and she lunged at him and took hold of his shirt, nearly knocking him into the stream.

"Did you say your name was Jess?" she asked incredulously.

Stunned, he took a step back and tried to dislodge her hands from his clothing. She suddenly seemed to realize what she was doing and released her iron grip then backed away.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Harper. But I've been looking for someone named Jess and I can't believe I've finally found you." He anxiously waited for her to continue. "Do you know someone named Slim?"

It was his turn to rush toward her as he gripped her arms, the pain in his hands forgotten. "Slim? Do you know where Slim is?"

"That all depends. What does this Slim look like?" she asked coyly.

Anger flashed in Jess' blue eyes and he tightened his grip, instantly aware of the pain it caused but unable to let go. "Look Miss, I ain't got no time to waste playing games. My friend could be hurt or worse," he stopped as she interrupted him.

"Please, just tell me what he looks like and I promise to tell you," she said defiantly but there was no harshness to her tone.

Jess took a deep calming breath and released his grip. As she looked at him, he locked eyes with her and cleared his throat.

"He's taller than I am, with blond hair and blue eyes. And he would be hurt likely even dead now - He took a real bad fall a few days ago and I've been looking for him ever since. I didn't think he'd make it. I was looking for-" Jess was unable to go on.

"For his body," she continued for him, frowning at his sombre expression. She put a hand to her mouth and turned away from him, sinking down to the ground and sitting in the smooth pebbles. He stepped closer and knelt next to her, deeply concerned and fearing the worst.

"You know what happened to him, don't you?" he asked softly, willing her to look at him.

"I know where your friend is. My sister and I found him not far from here. It looked like he walked as far as he could then he collapsed into the stream." She frowned as Jess' strength seemed to leave him all at once and he slumped to the ground dejectedly.

"He is very hurt, Mr. Harper, but he is alive… just barely, though," she continued, realizing what he was thinking.

Jess looked up and the colour slowly returned to his cheeks. "Will you take me to him?" he asked carefully, unsure of the response he would get.

"That's why I've been looking for you. He's had a very high fever pretty much since we found him and he's been calling for you. I think that he will only get better once he sees you."

Jess stood up and reached over to help her stand but she refused his help. "No, Mr. Harper. Not with your hands like that."

He looked down at his hands, all at once feeling the stinging pain. "Yeah, I see what ya mean," he said softly. "And don't call me 'Mr. Harper' - name's Jess; remember?"

She smiled at him and nodded. "Okay, Jess. Come with me, it's not far."

"Wait till I get my horse. Traveler would never forgive me if I left him out here alone," he said as he rushed to where he had tethered the animal. Millie followed - hurried past him and started to untie the knot. She held the reins in her hand and led the horse away with Jess following closely behind her.

They had been walking for almost an hour when Millie slowed and turned to Jess.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" he asked, waiting for her to speak.

She played with the reins, rubbing her fingers along the worn leather and wishing she knew how to break the disturbing news about his friend. She looked into his hopeful face and her heart sank as she thought of the pain her words were likely to cause him.

"What is it, Millie?"

"There's something you should know about your friend." She paused as he anxiously waited for her to continue. "He was very hurt when we found him." She stopped as though realizing something. "Just how did he get hurt?" she asked - interrupting herself.

"He was trying to free a heifer that was tangled up in some brush next to the cliff edge and when the ground gave way, Slim went over the edge. His younger brother, Andy, saw the whole thing," he answered quietly.

"His brother, Andy? But I thought you were his brother," she stated.

Jess smiled. "No, Slim is my best friend and Andy is his little brother. He'll be happy to know Slim is alive," he said, pausing. "Now, what is it you're trying to tell me about Slim?" he asked, bringing the conversation back on track.

"Like I was saying, Jess, he is very injured. His head took quite a knock and his ribs are caved in. He's had a bad fever for most of the time and he's been having terrible nightmares." She stopped and watched his face, searching for a sign as to how he felt about what she was saying.

"Sounds about right for someone who's taken a bad fall like that. Fever is pretty normal with serious injuries. But that ain't what you're trying so hard not to tell me, is it?"

She smiled weakly. "No, Jess. Guess I can't fool you. You sound like someone who's been around his fair share of injuries." Jess blushed slightly and looked down at his boots as she continued, "What I don't want to tell you is… Slim has absolutely no memory."

Jess looked up in bewilderment. "No memory? You mean he can't remember what happened to him?"

She shook her head. "No, I mean he can't remember anything - his name, his family, where he lives, how he hurt himself…. nothing."

"Then, how did you know about me?" he asked, bemused.

"With his high fever, he has been having nightmares. My sister, Amy, has sat up with him through it all and he's called out for you every night. I knew I had to find you - maybe you can help him remember something."

Jess looked into her hopeful face and sighed. "I sure hope so, Millie. I sure hope so."

He followed silently as she started to walk away again. He had been terrified at the thought of losing Slim for good but now, after finally finding out that he was still alive, the relief that he had hoped to feel was replaced by a feeling of dread as he considered what it would mean if Slim did not recover his memory.

He pushed that unhappy thought out of his mind and hurried to catch up to Millie, the one person who could lead him to his friend.

Chapter 15

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