GUILTY

By: Elaine Kane

Beta read by Yvonne Freydberg

CHAPTER 21

During the crisis with Jess and attending to Cheryl, everyone had forgotten about the posse. Nathan stepped beside Cory and drew his gun but Mort motioned for him to put it away.

Sheriff Mason rode up to the cabin's hitching post, the posse spread out in a single row behind him. When he recognized Mort Cory and Nathan Greene his eyes flashed with anger and pulled his .45. Cory and Greene raised their hands.

"Johnson, get down and disarm these men." His eyes never wavered from his captives. The sheriff snapped angrily at Nathan. "Greene, what are you doing here and why isn't Sheriff Cory in jail?"

Nathan took a step forward and explained their presence at the Reynolds cabin and why he'd disobeyed Mason.

Cory recounted the rest of the incredible story. "Jess is up in an old miner's cabin clinging to life by a thread. Doctor Owen doesn't think he'll live. Cheryl Reynolds is inside resting; she'll back everything I've told you."

Furious, Mason dismounted and approached Greene and Cory. "You expect me to believe that Rafe Connors was responsible for everything that's happened in the past week? Your story is ridiculous. Why didn't Rafe just turn Harper over after the shooting? No one in town would've believed Harper."

Exasperated Cory simply replied, "Cheryl Reynolds was also a witness to his confession. She heard him boast about what he'd done and how he planned to kill the three of us."

"I still don't believe you." Glancing back at Johnson who had relieved the two men of their weapons he said, "Keep your eye on them while I check on Miss Reynolds." Mason tried to push past Cory who shook his head and blocked the doorway ignoring the weapon in the sheriff's hand. "Leave her be, she's sleeping; you can see her later; she's been through enough."

"Out of my way, Cory!" Mason shoved the pistol into Cory's gut.

Nathan grabbed at Mason's sleeve, "Can't you see that Rafe Connors is the only logical suspect for all that's happened? He manipulated everything with his lies. The club he tried to use on Harper is proof enough. When are you going to accept the fact that Jess Harper is innocent and the victim of a brutal killer?"

Sheriff Mason paused and realized that Greene had no stake in protecting Harper. He nodded; finally accepting the truth and holstered the pistol.

"If you don't mind, I'm going back inside and tend to Cheryl." Without waiting for a reply Nathan entered the cabin.

Mason stood gaping at Nathan's retreating back. His head was spinning from the story that Cory had told him. How could he have been so blind?

In an effort to save face, the sheriff bristled. "Look here, Cory, Harper's still a convicted killer and a fugitive. I'm still not convinced he didn't kill my deputy. He's my prisoner and I want him brought down here where I can keep an eye on him."

"Haven't you heard anything I've said? Harper is barely clinging to life and can't be moved."

Slim suddenly appeared next to Mort in the doorway; his large bulk effectively blocking the entry. He had heard the posse's approach and rode down to offer his support. He had quietly stepped on to the porch and stood in the shadows leaning against the front wall of the cabin. No one had noticed his arrival. When he heard the sheriff stubbornly continue to blame Jess, he drew his gun and stepped alongside Mort Cory.

Almost in unison the two men said, "No one is going to move Jess anywhere. You'll have to kill the both of us before you do."

Every man in the posse reacted by drawing their weapons, everyone except the sheriff. He held up his hands to stop any shooting. "Now there's no need for any gunplay, gentlemen. Everyone put away your guns."

Still holding his pistol pointed at Mason Slim pleaded, "What'll it take to get you to believe that Jess was physically incapable of killing your deputy or kidnapping Cheryl last night?"

"Leave him be, haven't you people done enough to him?" Slim's pale blue eyes darkened with fury; the look of determination on his face dared anyone to challenge him.

Mason was worn out from chasing a ghost wagon since before sunrise. His tired face was covered with dust and creases from long hours of squinting in the sun. Sighing, his shoulders dropping in resignation he said, "Alright Mr. Sherman, you win. It's a lot to digest. I want to see that Miss Reynolds is safe and in no danger, then would you mind taking me up to see Harper and show me how and where he killed Rafe Connors?"

The tall straw haired rancher nodded and put away his six-iron. He heaved a huge sigh of relief while he rubbed the back of his neck. Cory relaxed and clapped Slim on the back. They stepped away from the doorway to allow Mason to enter.

"Thank you, it's just a formality" He went to Cheryl and looked down at her sleeping form. Satisfied that she appeared to be all right, he spoke to Slim, "Okay, now take me to Harper."

Mort stayed behind while Slim accompanied the sheriff to the miner's shack. Upon entering Slim immediately sat down on the bench next to the table. The big man was breathing heavily from the ride.

Sheriff Mason couldn't hide his shock when he saw Jess' still and pale form lying on the bed in that tiny room. "My God, they said he was badly injured but I didn't expect to find him like this. Will he live?"

Doctor Owen was tending to Jess, bathing his face with cool water. Lines of concern etched across the elderly doctor's brow; his body slumped from fatigue. He looked up as Mason spoke. "I hope so, Tom, I truly hope so. It's up to God, now. I've done all I can."

Mason took off his hat and mopped his brow with a blue bandana. "By the looks of him he's paid a steep price for his bravery." He turned to Slim. "Where'd you put Rafe's body? I'd like to see it now,"

Slim led the sheriff to the side of the building and picked up the tarp covering the body. Sheriff Mason whistled in amazement when he saw the two bullet holes over the dead man's heart. "Even as badly hurt as he was, Harper's shots were true."

"Well, I've been a hardnosed ass and I must say that there's no refuting what my eyes have seen for themselves. I'll do what I can to help free your friend. The town owes him an apology."

"Thanks sheriff." Slim offered him his hand and they shook.

Mason adjusted his gun belt and turned to go. "I'm taking the posse home and getting a good night's rest. Tomorrow bright and early, I'll speak to the judge and ask for a retrial and exoneration for Harper. I think he'll agree once we get Cheryl's statement."

Slim's face brightened into a grateful smile. "That's really good news, Sheriff. I appreciate it and so will Jess."

Slim accompanied the sheriff back to the Reynolds' cabin. Mason and the posse left shortly. Cheryl was awake and demanding to see Jess. "He's in good hands Miss Reynolds; you'll have plenty of time to be with him later." Slim assured her. 'You can't help him if you get sick."

Her brow furrowed with a twinge of pain then she nodded and closed her eyes. A tear escaped from the corner of her eyes. She spoke softly. "Take care of him for me, Slim."

Mort entered from the kitchen carrying a bulging burlap sack. "Slim, what are you doing back down here? You look like you're out on your feet. "He indicated the sack. "I found some canned goods that you'll need. I'll send someone back here with several days supply of food. I need to return to Boulder and wire Laramie to let them know what's going on here and that I'll be returning home."

"Thanks, Mort I'll take it up in a few minutes."

Mort took of his hat and ran his hands through his hair. He looked like he was reluctant to leave. "I'll be taking the next train out to Cheyenne. I hate to leave with Jess in such a bad way, but I've been gone too long. If you need me for any reason, please contact me and I'll be here on the next train from Cheyenne." The two men shook hands.

"Sure, Mort, I hate to think what would have happened to Jess if you hadn't been here. You're a great friend and we owe you one." Slim released his hand and watched as Mort walked to his horse.

"No more than you." Mort replied as he forked the saddle. Saluting Slim with a touch of his finger to his hat brim, he rode away.

Slim gathered up the sack of supplies and loaded it onto his horse. He was anxious to get back to Jess hoping his pard would be awake. Arriving at the doorway of the little shack, disappointment dragged at the corners of his mouth when he saw Jess and realized that there had been no change. He looked at Doctor Owen questioningly and the elderly man replied with a sad shake of his head. I guess I should be grateful he's still alive. He thought. I'll just have to hang on to that idea. I mustn't let myself think the worst. Jess will recover he's just got to.

Nathan took Cheryl back to Boulder the next morning.

For four days, Slim and Doctor Owen spelled each other in a bedside vigil over Jess. He never stirred, not even when the doctor changed his bandages. They were able to get him to drink a little beef broth and water from time to time. He swallowed only by reflex. It was the only response they were able to pull out of him. Slim even tried talking to Jess on the off chance that he might hear him and bring him up out of the depths of unconsciousness. As time passed, Jess' pallid features took on more color and his heart beat stronger, but he still showed no signs of waking up.

Late on the afternoon of the second day after the operation, Nathan returned with the banker's carriage. He had left Cheryl with her mother who had returned home when she received a telegram from Sheriff Mason telling her of Cheryl's disappearance. He voiced his disappointment when he learned that Jess was still unconscious. Leaving the carriage at the hunting lodge he returned to Boulder to tend to the store.

After he finished changing Jess' bandages on the night of the fourth day Doctor Owen proclaimed that Jess was strong enough for them to take him back to Boulder the next day.

"His incision is healing nicely and there's no sign of bleeding or infection. I'm hoping that more comfortable surroundings and possibly Cheryl's presence will help bring him out of it."

Slim rigged a travois and they took Jess down the mountain. He placed him on a bed of blankets and pillows in the bed of the banker's carriage. They set out at a snail's pace with Slim driving. Doctor Owen sat beside Jess in the carriage bed watching over him. The carriage lived up to its reputation as it rolled smoothly along. The trip took most of the day. Arriving in Boulder, Slim glanced anxiously down at Jess and then at Doctor Owen and waited as he checked Jess one more time.

"He couldn't have done better than if he were still up in that bed in that old miner's shack. Let's get this young man into a proper bed."

A small crowd had gathered around the banker's carriage. Every face mirrored concern for the injured man. The news of Jess' plight had preceded the arrival of the carriage and a few of the townsfolk rallied together and came to offer their help. They were the same people who had, only a week before, judged him guilty of manslaughter. The ones who had complained about the verdict had stayed away. Someone brought a litter and two more men from the crowd stepped forward to help Slim carry Jess into the hospital. Mrs. Owen directed them to take him upstairs to a bedroom that served as a recovery room. The helpers offered their sympathy and left.

Jess had not stirred throughout the trip or when he was moved. "Why hasn't he awakened, Doc?" Slim asked. "You said he was stable and should be regaining consciousness."

Feeling his pulse and then listening to Jess' breathing and heartbeat, Doctor Owen frowned. "Comas are a strange condition and we know little about what causes them or why it takes one patient longer than another to wake up."

"Isn't there anything else you can do?" The usually unshakable rancher was visibly overcome with concern for his friend and partner. "It's been over four days and he hasn't stirred once."

The doctor's thinning grey hair was disheveled and his body seemed more stooped than ever from the strain of caring for Jess. He had barely slept since the operation. "Slim, the only thing I can think of is for you to continue to talk to him and encourage him. It could be that he just might not want to wake up."

Slim rubbed his chin in puzzlement. "Jess isn't a quitter and he's certainly not afraid of anything." He ran his hand through his hair and shook his head sadly. "I just don't understand, Doc. What could possibly be going on inside that head of his?"

"He's been through a lot lately and maybe in his mind he still has a prison sentence hanging over him. We'll just have to wait and pray that he has the will to live and that whatever it is that's keeping him from rejoining us will soon resolve itself."

The doctor laid a consoling hand on Slim's back. "Why don't you go back to the hotel and get some rest? I don't need another patient to take care of. Jess is all I can handle at the moment."

Martha Owen walked into the room. "The two of you look out on your feet. Now get out of here and let me take care of our patient."

Slim and Doctor Owen nodded gratefully to Mrs. Owen, neither one offered a word of protest.

GUILTY

CHAPTER 22

For the next two days, Slim hovered over Jess, talking to him about their shared adventures and imploring him to wake up. Nothing seemed to work. The young ex-gunfighter turned rancher failed to respond to any stimuli except to drink the beef broth and water that he was fed. His face remained slack and his body inert.

Late in the afternoon of the seventh day after Jess' operation Slim became so exasperated with Jess' lack of response that he began cursing him in a loud voice hoping to rile his friend enough to bring him back from whatever place that he had retreated to in his mind. Along with a few choice cuss words, Slim called Jess everything from a stubborn fool to being a coward and a quitter. His partner just lay there, unmoving, his face showing no response to Slim's grating words. The only sign of life was the slow rise and fall of his chest and the rapid movement of his eyes under his eyelids. Doc had said the eye movement was a good sign that Jess' mind was working, possibly thinking and he most certainly had heard Slim's voice. Slim hung his head, rested his elbows on his knees and tried to fathom what was going on in his partner's head.

Slim looked down at the injured man. "So, where are you Jess? Where have you gone? Are you stuck in a dream and afraid to come back to the real world? Fear is not a part of you, so why can't I reach you?"

He stopped talking and shook his head dejectedly when there was no reaction.

"Andy and Jonesy sent a telegram asking when we were coming home. Do you want me to tell them you're too afraid to wake up?" He was shouting now, but Jess just lay there without responding. Slim leaned forward, his arms on his knees; he rested his head in his hands.

He was brought out of his reverie by Doctor Owens' concerned voice as the elderly man rushed into the room. He touched Slim on the shoulder. "What's all the ruckus about? I could hear you all the way out on the sidewalk. Has something happened to Jess? You sounded so angry and upset, I feared the worst."

Slim sat back in his chair; his sad blue eyes gazing up at the doctor. "No, I'm sorry; it's just that I'm so frustrated with Jess. Look at him; he just lies there. His eyes keep moving; I'm guessing he must be thinking of something, so why can't he hear me? I've tried begging him and I've tried reminding him of how much I… 'We' all need him at the ranch. Nothing seems to work, so I thought I'd work on his ego. I'm afraid I got a little carried away and tried shouting at him hoping to get his attention." Slim's shoulders slumped in despair.

The elderly doctor nodded his approval of Slim's tactics and then frowned. "I see your scheme didn't work."

Slim heaved a frustrated sigh and looked back at Jess. "No, not even a flinch - not even when I called him a coward. Usually, that's a fightin' word for him." He stood up and moved aside so the doctor could examine Jess.

Doc Owen looked up at the powerfully built young man standing next to him and marveled at the loyalty and friendship that he displayed for his friend. He had sat night and day at Jess' side since the operation. He refused to leave him except to eat and catch a few hours of sleep. "You're not thinking of giving up on him, are you?"

"No, but I have to think of my brother Andy and my friend Jonesy. They can't keep the ranch going by themselves indefinitely. I don't know how much longer I can stay on here. I had hoped…" He coughed then dropped his gaze unable to trust his voice.

The doctor nodded. "Well, I understand you have obligations and if you feel you must go, then you should. Martha and I can take care of him. Cheryl will want to help too once she's recovered."

Slim's eyes clouded with despair. He hadn't been willing to face the reality that Jess might never wake up. Still, he felt he should be there just in case…

"There's no reason for you to feel guilty about leaving your friend. I wish I could tell you how long it will be before he comes out of it. When he does, I'm sure he'll understand why you had to leave." Doctor Owen had almost said 'if he does' but the agony in Slim's eyes made him hold his tongue.

As though he had read the doctor's mind Slim looked at him and asked huskily. "Will Jess die if he doesn't wake up soon? How long can he live like this, Doc?"

"I'm not sure. His incision is almost completely healed and he's had minimal bouts of fever. I doubt there will be any complications from the operation now. The only threat I see now is his failure to wake up. If he were awake and eating well, he'd be out of that bed inside of a week or so."

"'If' is the big word, ain't it Doc? 'If' he wakes up…" Slim sighed in frustration.

"Thank goodness we can get him to drink the broth and water. But he needs solid food to build his strength. In his weakened condition I don't know how long he'll last on just liquids."

Slim stared down at the unmoving form of his best friend. "Did you hear that, Pard? Doc says you're gonna die if ya don't snap out of it soon," He shouted. His voice rang with his frustration.

He grabbed Jess by the shoulders as if he intended to shake him into consciousness. He quickly he let go of him and pulled away stepping back, visibly shaken by his actions. "I'm sorry; I don't know what got into me."

The kindly doctor pushed Slim toward the bed. "Go ahead, give him a good shake. Yell at him and call him a coward again. Say whatever you can think of to get a reaction from him Doc Owen urged. "Just don't be too rough."

Slim reached down again, grabbed Jess by the shoulders and shook him hard, cringing as he did it.

"Damn you Jess, wake up, I never figured you for a coward and a quitter. If you won't do it for yourself, then think about Andy and what it'd do to him if you died…" Under his breath he mumbled to himself, "And me too."

Slim peered into Jess' face hoping to see a reaction of some kind, but his face remained expressionless and slack. Slim turned away, unable to look at him any longer. "It's no use, Doc."

Doc Owen felt Jess' pulse and saw that his breathing had quickened. "Look, his eyes are moving more rapidly. I think you may have reached him if just for a moment."

Encouraged Slim reached for Jess' shoulders again. "Should I do it again? Maybe this time he'll wake up for sure."

Doctor Owen touched his sleeve. "Let's leave him for now and try again tomorrow. Why don't you run along now and grab something to eat and get a good night's sleep."

Slim ran his fingers through his straw colored hair and stretched his back. A spark of hope shined in the intense blue eyes. "I did get through to him; I can feel it." He heaved a tired sigh and hesitated, reluctant to leave.

"I'll send for you if there's any change." Doc Owen pulled on his sleeve and guided him out of Jess' room and down the stairs.

Slim hesitated and turned; wistfully he glanced up at Jess' room.

"Your young friend will be fine for now. No need to fret; I'll sit with him for a while, just in case he decides to wake up."

Doctor Owen slowly climbed the stairs to Jess' room, looked at him from the doorway and shook his head sadly. He walked up to the comatose man's bed and gazed down at the tragic figure before him; the change in him was shocking. He was terribly thin and pale. Loss of blood and lack of enough nourishment had taken its toll on him. He was but a shadow of his former self.

"Jess Harper, I wish you could tell me how to help you. I've just about pulled out all the tricks I have in my medicine bag. I'm at a loss at what to do next."

Over the few days, Doctor Owen had urged Slim to tell him all he knew about Jess and his past with hope there might be some clue as to how they could reach him. He had learned that Jess was a very complicated man with a checkered past. He was a man who had been on his own since he was a teenager. Until a little over a year ago, he had been pretty much a loner and a drifter who had relied on his skill with a gun to earn enough money to keep clothes on his back and food in his belly. When Slim met him, he was everything that Slim wasn't and they disliked each other instantly. Slim was somber, all business and unbending and Jess was carefree and playful; quickly becoming a playmate for his younger brother, Andy. Andy saw the good in Jess and befriended him. Against Jess' better judgment and instinct to avoid other people's trouble he went to Slim's aid in a shootout with outlaws. Slim invited him to stay and Jess had agreed. From that very shaky beginning, a strong bond of friendship had developed between the two young men. The one thing about Jess that stood out over all was his fierce sense of right and wrong. He was loyal to a fault and protective of his friends, even to the point of taking on their battles because his was the faster gun.

"With that kind disregard for your life and apparent lack of fear, what could you possibly be hiding from now, Jess Harper?

Visibly tired and bewildered the old man looked at the time and stood up. He had almost forgotten that he had promised to look in on Cheryl Reynolds before dinner. The young woman was healing nicely and he expected her to recover fully from her wound. She was already up and walking for short periods.

He checked Jess' pulse one more time and left leaving instructions with his wife to look in on him from time to time while he went to tend to Cheryl.

****

Cheryl was resting on the parlor sofa when she heard someone knocking at the door. She called out to her mother.

"Mother, will you please get the door? I believe Doc Owen is here. I can't wait to talk to him and see how Jess is doing."

Mrs. Reynolds let the doctor in and led him to the parlor. Cheryl was bundled in a beautifully crocheted coverlet that she cast aside when she sat up to receive the doctor. She looked pale but her eyes shone with life and her demeanor was one of purpose.

"Good evening, Doc Owen, how's Jess doing, is he awake? Please tell me that he's doing better." She looked at him anxiously.

The doctor put on his best face trying not to look as glum as he felt. "No, Cheryl, there's been no change." He had decided not to tell her about Jess' reaction to Slim's test.

Cheryl bravely tried to stem the tears that started streaming down her cheeks. She wiped at them futilely with the tips of her fingers and sniffed.

"I so hoped you were bringing me good news. I'm determined more than ever to see Jess tomorrow. I feel fine and I promise to behave myself. All I'll do is sit in a chair and watch over him. I'll have Nathan bring me over."

Mrs. Reynolds had stood in the doorway listening to the conversation. "I don't think that's a good idea, young lady." Her voice showed her displeasure.. "You aren't well enough to go anywhere, is she Doc Owen?"

The young woman looked at her mother defiantly. "I wouldn't be doing anything different there than I would be here and Doctor Owen will be right there if I need him. I'll be just fine, won't I, Doc Owen?"

Feeling caught in the middle, he thought a moment before responding. During the walk to the Reynolds' residence, an idea had come to him. Listening to how determined Cheryl was to see Jess, his plan just might be the catalyst to bring Jess out of what he now considered a self-induced coma.

"Marge, if you don't mind, I think that it would do her a lot of good to get out for a while tomorrow. As she said, she can sit by Jess just as comfortably as she would here in your parlor. I'll make sure she limits her activities and doesn't overdo it while she's with Mr. Harper."

He knew that the girl's mother blamed Jess for the loss of her husband even though she knew that his death was an accident and that Jess wasn't the one who pulled the trigger. For his purposes, he wasn't concerned about her feelings. It was more important to Jess' recovery that Cheryl be a part of it.

"Please Mother, I'll be fine. I really need to see him." Tears welled in her eyes as she begged for her mother's permission. She didn't want to fight with her mother but she would defy her if she didn't agree. She was twenty-one years old, after all and free to do what she wanted.

Mrs. Reynolds made a face and hesitated before answering. Her voice sounded aloof and annoyed. "All right darling, you may go since Doctor Owen says it's okay. I'll ask Nathan to come by and pick you up." She left the room with her chin in the air and her back was straight and stiff. It was apparent she was opposed to the idea.

The doctor wondered what had made Marge Reynolds change her mind so suddenly. By her actions she obviously disapproved. "Have Nathan bring you by the hospital about 11:00 a.m. and pick you up about noon."

"That's perfect, but can't I stay longer?" She pouted showing her disappointment.

"We'll just have to see how you do." He examined her and checked her bandages.

"Well young lady, you're looking very well tonight and I do believe that the prospect of seeing your young man has brought a little more color to your cheeks than you had when I arrived. I'll see you tomorrow, then." He stood and gathered up his bag. "I'll see myself out."

The doctor whistled cheerfully as he walked home. He had left out the real reason why he wanted Cheryl at Jess' side tomorrow. He didn't want to get Cheryl's hopes up and have her heart broken if his plan didn't work. He prayed that it would; the young man's life depended on it.

GUILTY

CHAPTER 23

I don't know how long I had hovered between consciousness and oblivion. The terrible pain that had gripped me during my last waking moments had subsided to a dull ache but the overwhelming grief I had felt at the same time still lingered. I had wanted to die but it seemed that it was to be my punishment to live on in torment from the memory of all the death I had caused. Unable to face life I chose oblivion. At some point I became aware of a man's angry and pleading voice calling to me but with awareness would come mind numbing grief and I withdrew, letting the comforting blanket of darkness fold around me.

Later I sensed someone was with me and that a small soft hand was holding tightly to mine. I felt small wet droplets land on my face and heard a woman sobbing softly as if from a distance. I was sure it was just another dream like those that had tormented me before when I had drifted close to consciousness. Then I felt soft lips pressed against mine and I tried to pull away but a hand held my face still and the kiss lingered on. Memory of another kiss and the touch of soft lips stirred me to the brink of consciousness. The woman spoke again and slowly I became aware of what she was saying and with understanding I was compelled to open my eyes. My eyelids felt heavy and I blinked to clear the haze that blurred my vision then amazingly Cheryl's face swam into focus. I panicked when the memory of watching her die tore through me again. Confused and unable to believe my eyes I squeezed them shut and turned my head away. Then reason took over and I slowly opened my eyes to see her gazing at me. A radiant smile of joy spread across her face and a large tear ran down her cheek. Weakly I reached up with a trembling hand and brushed away the tear with my thumb.

She held my hand pressed to her face and exclaimed. "Thank God you're finally awake." She began to sob and laid her head on my chest and held me tightly. "I thought I'd lost you."

I slowly wrapped my arm around her tiny waist and pressed my cheek against hers. My head swam with confusion and I looked around the unfamiliar room. I wrinkled my forehead trying to remember. "I-I don't understand ? I thought you were dead."

She sat up and quickly brushed at the tears on her cheeks then smiled radiantly at me. "Shush, sweetheart, as you can see I'm fine." She brushed the hair off my forehead and caressed my cheek lovingly.

"Where am I? H-How…?" I was too weak to say more.

Before she could answer Doctor Owen appeared in the doorway. His face lit when our eyes met. "Welcome back to the land of the living, young man. You really had us worried."

"What do you mean, Doc? What's going on?"

"We'll talk about that later. Let me see how you're doing." He took Cheryl's place in the chair. He held a cup of water to my lips and I drank thirstily. Then I endured his scrutiny in silence. When he finished he smiled and patted me on the shoulder. "You're going to be okay young man."

'I-I don't understand. What happened?" I glanced at Cheryl and clung to the fact that she was actually alive. Then an unexplainable feeling of grief washed over me and suddenly I felt very tired and my eyelids grew heavy.

The doctor must have noticed my eyelids beginning to droop. He promised to answer all my questions later and then he told me to get some sleep. I didn't have the strength to argue with him. ****

Doc Owen stood and helped Cheryl to her feet. "And you young lady, have had enough excitement for one day. I'm going to send for Nathan and have him take you home. You're recovering very nicely and I don't want you to over do it." She insisted on staying but the doctor refused to agree and assured her she could return the next day. She kissed Jess lightly on the forehead and let the elderly doctor guide her out of Jess' room and help her down the stairs.

"Is he going to be all right?"

He took off his glasses and began to clean them with his handkerchief. "I think he'll be fine. Good food and plenty of rest is all he needs. I suspect a little tender loving care from a certain young lady will also do him a world of good." He left to get Nathan to drive her home.

Cheryl watched him leave and her thoughts strayed to Nathan. He had been at her side every day during her recovery. She also realized how his quick thinking while he was with the posse had help save her. He had changed a lot since that night he had confessed his love for her and tried to kiss her. She believed he truly loved her. She had grown to like him as a friend but it was Jess who held her heart.

Nathan made a gallant bow when he entered and said smiling broadly, "Your carriage awaits, my lady." He picked her up in his arms and carried to the carriage as though she weighed no more than a feather.

"Did Doc Owen tell you the good news?" She asked.

"You mean about Jess waking up?"

She nodded her head enthusiastically.

"Yes, he did and I'm very relieved and I know how happy you must be." When they arrived at her house her mother walked out on the porch to greet them. Nathan escorted Cheryl onto the porch. Mrs. Reynolds invited Nathan to come in and led them into the house.

"You look tired my dear. You should go right up to bed. I knew I shouldn't have let you see that Harper fellow."

Instead Cheryl plopped down in the nearest stuffed chair. "Oh, Mother, I had to go and I was right, Jess did need me. I'm positive my being there and talking to him is the reason he finally woke up."

"He's awake?" Her mother glanced at Nathan for confirmation.

He smiled and nodded.

"I'm glad your friend is doing better. Now that he's awake and it appears he'll recover I don't think you need to see him again."

"Oh, Mother, how can you say that? He saved my life and I won't abandon him. Besides, I love him and I plan to marry him. I'm sure he feels the same about me." Cheryl glared at her mother defiantly.

Mrs. Reynolds struggled to contain her anger and shock. She hadn't expected to hear Cheryl say such a bold thing. She decided not to answer her even though she wanted to shake some sense into the girl and demand that she not go anywhere near the man again. Instead she convinced her daughter to go to bed and led her from the room. When the girl faltered at the stairs Nathan was immediately at her side and helped her upstairs.

Nathan left them at the top of the stairs and retreated to the parlor where he sat waiting for his employer to return. He was not at all surprised at Cheryl's declaration of love for Harper. It showed in her eyes every time she spoke his name. Since Harper's arrival in town, Cheryl had had eyes for no one else, least of all one Nathan Greene.

Mrs. Reynolds descended the stairs and spoke in a hushed tone, "I think she'll sleep for quite a while. She was exhausted and was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow."

Nathan rose to leave and she motioned for him to remain. She settled in a chair across from Nathan and looked at him intently. "I don't want Cheryl to go near Harper again. He's no good for her and she was almost killed because of him. I'm ordering you not to drive her to the hospital again."

"I don't know how you can hold him to blame, Mrs. Reynolds. It seems to me he's been the victim in all that's happened and we've all helped put him in that hospital bed by our inaction. Doctor Owen seems to think that his full recovery is dependant on Cheryl's presence."

Mrs. Reynolds wrung her hands in frustration ? this wasn't going as she had hoped. Nathan wasn't acting like the jealous suitor that she thought he would be. Instead, he seemed more than willing to help Cheryl be with Harper and was defending him. She suddenly realized that if she tried to keep Cheryl away from Harper, she would only push her into his arms. She decided on a different tactic and Nathan was the key. "Nathan, how can you possibly defend him?"

"But…" He began.

"It's obvious you're in love with my daughter and yet you're doing everything you can to push her in Harper's arms." She threw her hands up in exasperation. "She couldn't possibly be in love with that ex gunslinger. He's just a lowly cowhand who has nothing to offer her."

Nathan remained silent not wanting to anger his employer. He felt obligated to Harper and Cheryl's happiness was all that mattered to him.

She looked at him intently and a gleam came into her eyes. "Why won't you fight for her? You're a handsome man and you have a lot to offer a young woman least of which is a secure future and a partnership in a thriving business. You would receive a half share in the family store as a dowry if you were to marry Cheryl."

Her words made him uncomfortable and he fidgeted in his chair and tugged at his collar. "I won't be bought or bribed, Mrs. Reynolds. If I could win Cheryl's hand in marriage, it would be because I love her. It's just that I'm at a loss how to go about it. Harper has a strong emotional hold on her right now and I don't have a clue how to break it."

She smiled at him and gave him a calculating look. "One thing you can do is to start courting her. Bring her flowers, sit with her and talk to her take her on buggy rides and picnics. Occupy her every waking moment. You have the advantage while Harper is laid up. I doubt he'll be much company to her for quiet a while."

The young bookkeeper nodded in agreement. He finally felt a ray of hope that he just might have a chance to win Cheryl over. He told her he would give her idea a try.

Marge Reynolds smiled her approval and tucked a stray wisp of graying hair into the bun she wore at the back of her neck. "She'll welcome your company believe me. Don't worry about the store; I'll tend to business while you see to winning Cheryl away from Harper."

GUILTY

CHAPTER 24

Doctor Owen watched as Nathan drove Cheryl home. He sure is devoted to that girl. I wonder if she realizes how he feels about her. She's so in love with Jess that she has no eyes for any other man. As he watched the buggy disappear around the corner, his eyes fell on the hotel and he realized he'd forgotten to tell Slim Sherman the news.

Slim had come to see Jess earlier that morning and had tried to get a reaction out of him to no avail. He had left shortly before Cheryl had arrived, stating he would be making arrangements to return to Laramie the next morning. The doctor didn't think he'd ever seen anyone so torn between duty and friendship as the big rancher. The young man had left the doctor's office looking defeated and dejected.

Doc Owen stuck his head through the office doorway and called to his wife, asking her to keep an eye on Jess Harper while he fetched Slim Sherman from the hotel. On his way he spotted the tall cowboy striding toward him down the middle of the street and intercepted him with the good news. Elated Slim started up the street at a run toward the hospital. Doctor Owen called out to him to stop and told him that Jess was sleeping and that he need not hurry.

Slim halted in his tracks and faced the doctor and waiting for him to catch up. "I thought you said he was awake, Doc. Is there something wrong?"

"No, Jess is just fine. He fell asleep shortly after he regained consciousness." Doctor Owen explained that Jess seemed a little confused when he woke up and suggested that Slim answer only the questions Jess might ask but not to volunteer any information.

Slim traveled the final steps to the hospital in five huge strides. Inside he practically bounded up the stairs taking them two steps at a time. He was eager to see Jess even if he were asleep. The long hours of waiting and hoping were finally over. Slim carefully opened the door to Jess' room. He cringed when the door's hinges complained with a loud squeak. As much as he wanted to talk to Jess, he didn't want to disturb him. When he stepped into the room and looked at Jess' pale and thin form lying in the bed, he was greeted by two dark blue eyes peering out from under long dark eyelashes.

****

The creak of a door opening roused me from a sound sleep and I opened my eyes just as a tall, broad shouldered frame filled the doorway. A vision of Slim's bloody head flashed before my eyes. I squeezed my eyes shut, shook my head then opened my eyes again. I squinted and finally the blurred face of my best friend swam into focus. He had a small plaster bandage along the left side of his head.

I couldn't believe my eyes. "Slim, is it really you?"

My throat tightened with emotion. I tried to reach the glass of water on the table by my bed. When I moved I felt twinge of pain stab across my stomach and I fell back on the pillow and pressed my hands against the pain.

"Take it easy Jess, let me help you." Slim stepped immediately to my side and held the glass of water to my lips. I swallowed the water gratefully.

"Y-y-you're alive ? I thought you were dead ? Nothing makes any sense." I squeezed back the tears of confusion and joy that welled in my eyes. I couldn't believe the big galoot was actually standing next to my bed.

He threw his hat on the floor and ran his hand through his hair. He smiled broadly and sat in the chair by the bed. "As you can see I'm very much alive." His brow furrowed and he leaned forward looking at me questioningly.

Laramie, "The Renegade Brand"

"I just had flash of you lying dead with your head in a pool of blood but I can't remember when or where. What happened to you?" I ran the back of my right hand across my eyes and rubbed my temples trying to remember.

"Take it easy Jess; Connors did do a number on my head. As you can see I'm okay. How are you feeling?"

I reached for his arm. "I need an answer now, don't baby me; I can take whatever you hand out."

He looked at me and hesitated before he began. "Jess, just how much do you remember about what happened to you?"

"Very little, I remember a wagon and pain. Cheryl was with me and then Mort was there. I remember an overwhelming urge to kill Connors and the rest is just fragments that are all jumbled together along with a terrible feeling of loss and despair."

As was his habit when he was worried about something, Slim rubbed the back of his neck and made a face. Then he leaned back in his chair and told me what had happened beginning with Connors kidnapping Cheryl and me to the details of his bloody end. Some of it sounded vaguely familiar but most was a blank. Then he told me that Doctor Owen had to operate on me and my fingers wandered to the bandages on my stomach.

A big grin spread across his face. "You know Pard, we can officially be called brothers now."

"Why, did you adopt me or somethin'?"

"Doc will probably have my hide for telling you this. Even though the operation was a success you had lost too much blood and Doctor Owen said you were dying. I talked him into giving you some of my blood to try and save you. Doc said it was pure luck that my blood didn't kill you." He grinned broadly. "Maybe now that you've got so much of my blood in you'll be able to stay out of trouble."

I was so overcome with emotion I could only say, "Thanks, Pard."

He squeezed my shoulder and stood up. "Will you be all right while I get Doctor Owen?"

"Sure." I was feeling drowsy and I closed my eyes. Slim had left me with a lot to think about.

Soon after Slim left Mrs. Owen brought a bowl of soup and helped me eat it. I was famished and finished it quickly wishing for more. She promised to bring me some later and left me to my thoughts. The soup had made me sleepy and I dozed.

A while later the squeaking of the door opening got my attention. I opened my eyes as Doctor Owen walked in followed by Slim. I smiled still amazed that Slim was actually alive.

Doc sat next to me and peered into my eyes. "Let's have a look, Jess. Are you in any pain?"

"No, not too much." I glanced over at Slim. "Someone oughta oil that door so's a fella could get some sleep. Slim tried to hide a smirk. "I forgot the door squeaked. I guess I should have oiled it before now but until today I used whatever I could find to try and wake you."

His words sparked the memory of waking up to Cheryl's kiss and her crying about my finally waking up. "Say, would someone tell me what all the fuss is over my waking up?

The doctor looked up a Slim and then back at me. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Jess you've been unconscious for six days and we were afraid you'd never wake up."

"Six days? W-what day is it anyway?" Suddenly I felt very anxious and then I realized why. Mc Gary said he'd be back by this coming Thursday.

Doc Owen hesitated and drew a deep breath "It's Friday afternoon, Jess."

"It can't be… so much time lost and I still have a prison sentence hanging over my head." I tried to move and grabbed at my stomach with a groan when a searing pain stabbed at my gut. I watched morosely as Doctor Owen poured the familiar brown liquid into a large spoon. I made a face and swallowed it without an argument.

"We'll talk later Jess, you needn't worry about McGary. I can assure you that you won't be going to prison."

I wondered why he felt so confident but didn't think about it for long. I realized that the narcotic he gave me was a strong dose and suddenly I fell asleep.

*******

GUILTY

CHAPTER 25

Slim eased himself out of the chair and laid the book down. Assuring himself that his partner was sleeping comfortably, he went downstairs and stepped into the doctor's office. Doctor Owen looked up from a book he was reading and asked if Jess was all right. Slim assured him that Jess was doing fine but the corners of his mouth turned down in a frown of despair and his eyes darkened with sadness.

The distraught young rancher pulled at the back of his neck and raked his fingers through his hair. "Doc, I'm afraid I have bad news. I haven't said anything before because it didn't seem to matter as long as Jess was in a coma and might not live." But now that he seems to be out of the woods I think you should know."

Seeing how distressed the young man looked Doctor Owen was afraid to hear what he had to say.

Slim took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. His voice cracked with emotion. "Sheriff Mason paid me a visit this morning and asked about Jess." He cleared his throat trying to control his emotions. "He told me that he had just received a wire from the federal judge in Denver informing him that as soon as Jess was well enough to travel he was to wire Marshal McGary to come get Jess and take him to prison.

The elderly doctor slumped in his chair in dismay. "But hasn't Judge Rawlins already cleared Jess of all the charges against him?"

"Yes he did, but when Judge Rawlins sent the paperwork to the federal judge in Denver he received a wire saying that he didn't have the authority to overturn Jess' conviction."

Shaking his head sadly Slim slowly explained why Judge Rawlins could not overturn Jess' conviction and sentence. They were told that only a federal judge could hold a hearing to determine if there was enough evidence for a new trial. He added that they had sent several telegrams over the last week trying to convince the federal judge in Denver to give Judge Rawlins approval to grant Jess a new trial. The judge was very sympathetic and explained that with Colorado's application for statehood they had to be sure their judicial practices would stand close scrutiny. His final answer had been the telegram that Mason had received that morning.

"I was heading to Judge Rawlins' office to tell him the bad news when I ran into you."

Stunned by what Sherman had told him Doctor Mason asked. "Isn't there any way we can change the judge's mind?"

Slim smiled wanly and a ray of hope came to his clear blue eyes. "You know, we might not need that judge in Denver after all. Judge Rawlins told me the other day that before he moved here, he held the office of a federal judge in Ft. Leavenworth, Kansas; which is the headquarters of the territorial judicial system. He said if we couldn't get the judge in Denver to cooperate there's a chance he could get a temporary appointment but he'd have to go to Ft. Leavenworth to obtain it."

"I can delay giving Jess a medical release to travel until the matter is settled. But if it takes too long I'll be legally bound to turn him over to the authorities."

Standing up Slim put on his hat and adjusted his holster. "I'll inform Judge Rawlins and get the train tickets. I plan to go with him. It's about a two day trip and the first train out is tomorrow morning. Hopefully we can be back by the end of the week. Do you think we should tell Jess what's happened?"

The doctor thought for a moment. "I don't think Jess needs to know about this setback just yet. He's had a lot to contend with and I don't want anything to slow down his recovery."

Slim headed for the judge's office with a spring in his step. The long shadows of the late afternoon sun had begun to darken the street adding contrast to the golden colors that painted the front of the buildings facing west. He stopped by the train station and checked the schedule posted on the building wall. The next train to Ft. Leavenworth wasn't scheduled to leave until 11:00 A.M. in the morning so he would have time to visit with Jess before he left.

Doctor Owen shook his head sadly as he recalled the news that Slim had brought him. He stood up, stretched his back and climbed the stairs to check on Jess one last time before retiring. The young cowboy didn't stir when he checked his pulse and adjusted the bandages around his midriff. He was pleased to see there was no seepage ? it appeared that the incision was healing well.

****

Cheryl woke to the morning sun streaming through her bedroom window. She felt refreshed and eager to be up and dressed to await Doctor Owen's visit. She hoped he'd come early so that she could go back to his office with him and spend some time with Jess. At the thought of seeing Jess again her heart began to beat wildly, bringing a flush to her cheeks.

As if on cue, there was a knock on the front door. She heard her mother open the door and greet the doctor. Standing on the landing of the stairwell she called down and asked her mother to send him up.

Anxious to see Jess the examination went much too slowly for Cheryl and she fretted when the doctor listened to her heart. He teasingly questioned her about her racing heart and if a certain young man had anything to do with it. She blushed and denied knowing what he was talking about. But when he suggested she should stay home and rest she quickly admitted he was correct in his assumption. Then she blurted out that she loved Jess Harper and intended to marry him. He cautioned her to go slowly with him and not to expect him to want to jump into marriage right away.

"I promise I won't rush him. I just want him to get well first."

"I have an errand to run but Nathan said he'd bring you to the hospital to see Jess later. I'll let myself out and I'll tell your mother that it's alright for you visit with Jess this morning."

She reached up and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Thank you Doc Owen."

He descended the stairs and found Mrs. Reynolds in the kitchen. He was puzzled when she seemed pleased that Cheryl could visit with Harper. As he headed back to his office he wondered why Cheryl's mother had changed her attitude about the young man.

GUILTY

CHAPTER 26

I was feeling a lot stronger when I woke early the next morning. Things seemed a little clearer and a much of what I had learned from Slim and Doc Owen had started to come back to me. It was no wonder I had been so confused, I had been in and out of consciousness so much that reality had begun to blend with dreams and reality at times had been more like a nightmare. Connecting most of it together it suddenly came to me the day's date had been so important. The feeling of foreboding I had felt the day before faded away. Mac had said that he would be back next week to take me to prison and I realized that he wouldn't be coming. Now that everyone knew that it was Rafe who had shot Mr. Reynolds, my conviction would be reversed and I would be set free; free to go back to Laramie and to the life that I had come to love. I looked up when the door to the room opened.

"Good morning, Jess. Do you feel like sitting up in bed while you eat breakfast?"

Slim was standing in the doorway behind the doc and his huge frame practically dwarfed the smaller man.

"Sure, I'm gettin' plum tired of lying on my back all the time."

Slim eased me up by the shoulders and placed a couple of plump pillows behind me. He hung on to me while I fought off a bout of dizziness. Surprisingly my stomach didn't protest too much.

Laramie - "Lost Allegiance"

Slim left to fetch my breakfast and Doc checked my pulse. He fiddled with my bandaged midriff then listened to my heart and breathing. Putting away his stethoscope he paused and gazed at me intently. He looked like he was about to say something but whatever it was, he must've decided against it then sat staring at his hands.

"Doc, is there something you wanted to tell me?"

"No, not really, I was just noticing that you seem more alert this morning. It's a good sign, Jess. All you need to think about is getting well and that you've nothing to worry about, exce…" Doc stopped in midsentence and began to fuss with his medical bag.

That feeling of foreboding crept into the pit of my stomach again and the hairs on the back of my neck began to rise. "Is there something wrong?"

He tugged at his collar and mopped at his face. "I - ah think it would be better coming from Slim." Doc was rescued by Slim's arrival carrying a tray of food. The smell of coffee coming from the tray got my attention and then I saw that my "breakfast" was a bowl of gruel and I made a face.

Doctor Owen stood up hastily. "Uh Slim, I've got some things to tend to so I'll leave you two to talk." He retreated from the room before I could say anything.

"What was that all about?" Slim sat the tray in my lap and a frown wrinkled his brow.

"I don't know. He just said that you had something to tell me. What's going on, Slim?

Slim cleared his throat and sat next to me. "I don't know what you mean."

"Doc said I was doing great and that I had nothing more to worry about and then he stopped like maybe there might be something after all. What've you been keeping from me, Pard?"

The scowl on his face did nothing to quell the feeling of dread that was squeezing at my insides.

"Eat your breakfast before it gets cold and when you're finished I'll tell you. I didn't want to say anything but Doc has forced my hand."

I was still too weak to feed myself so he helped me eat. I choked down the gruel and sipped on the coffee slowly. I wasn't so sure I wanted to hear what Slim had to say. The effort of sitting up had drained me of what little strength I'd had but I fought to stay awake determined to hear what he had to say.

He must've noticed my eyelids starting to droop and he said. "You're looking awful pale Jess and you've begun to sweat. I think you should get some rest and we'll talk later."

"Uh ? uh. You're telling me right now. Come on, out with it. It can't be that bad. After all that's happened to me, nothing could be worse. So out with it, Pard."

He helped me lie back and my head sank thankfully onto the plump pillows then I looked up at him waiting for him to begin.

Slim slowly told me about the snag the sheriff and the judge had run up against concerning my release. As he spoke, my heart sank and that feeling of dread increased to the point of being unbearable. When he had finished I just lay there and stared up at the ceiling. It was the last straw. I cursed the day I had ever set foot in this town. I almost regretted ever meeting Cheryl. Anger replaced despair as I thought about the unfairness of it all. I balled up my fists and pounded on the sheets and turned my head away from him. I didn't want him to see how shaken I was or the tears of frustration that had filled my eyes; frustration born out of the weakness that kept me tied to this bed and the fear of what the future had in store for me. I don't think I had ever felt so helpless and trapped in my entire life.

I felt Slim's hand on my shoulder. "Jess, are you okay? Can I get you anything?"

I coughed and cleared my throat. "No, Slim, I'd like to be alone if you don't mind." My voice echoed the bitterness that I felt.

"Jess…" He stopped when I angrily shrugged his hand off shoulder.

"I'm going to Ft. Leavenworth tomorrow. I hope when I get back I'll have good news for you."

I wondered what he could accomplish by going to Ft. Leavenworth but I was too tired to ask and I knew that by the time he got back I'd be on my way to prison.

He sighed and I heard him leave the room and close the door.

Damn. I can't seem to get a break at all these days. 'Harper's down and out so let's kick him some more.'

I don't know how long I lay there drowning in self-pity. After a while, I must've fallen asleep. The next thing I became aware of was the smell of lilac water and I knew that when I opened my eyes I would see Cheryl sitting at my bedside. I kept my eyes closed as I thought about what I must do. Before I had fallen asleep, I had made the decision that no matter how things turned out I realized that because of my past and the trouble that always followed me Cheryl and I could never share a life together.

"Jess, are you awake?" I felt her clasp my hand and squeeze it.

I pulled my hand away and opened my eyes. When I saw the sadness that my rejection brought to her wonderful green eyes, I relented and reached for her hand and squeezed it. She leaned over and kissed me holding her lips to mine until I responded. My resolve to drive her away from me vanished and I realized that I was hopelessly in love with her. She sat up all smiles.

"Good morning, sleepy head. I was beginning to think I was going to have to wake you up so you could eat your lunch. Mrs. Owen has it warming on the stove." She smiled and stood up. "I'll go fetch it for you."

Before she reached the door, Mrs. Owen arrived with a tray that held a bowl of stew. "Here you are, dear, did you forget that you weren't to navigate those stairs by yourself?"

Cheryl smiled demurely and placed the tray on the small table by my bed. She propped me up with a couple of extra pillows and fed me the stew. Frustrated at being too weak to feed myself I stoically accepted her help and ate in silence. This was easy to do because as I ate she told me all about what she had been doing. I was surprised when she told me that her mother no longer seemed to object to her being with me. Then she told me how helpful Nathan had been. She actually bubbled with excitement when she told me he'd brought her flowers and had invited her to go on a buggy ride later. When she told me she thought he was really nice I about bust a gullet. If it were possible, I'm sure my face had turned green with envy and I forced myself to smile.

"Yeah, he's a pretty nice guy; I reckon I owe him my life." I admitted sarcastically. I regretted immediately that I had spoken gruffer than I had intended.

I had suddenly lost my appetite but forced myself to finish the stew. I knew that if I wanted to get out of bed soon I'd better eat. Her talk of all that she and Nathan had been doing while I lay helpless in bed had gotten to me more that I thought possible. Well, why should you care, Harper? Weren't you going to break off your relationship with her anyway?

She didn't seem to notice the change in my mood and stayed for about half an hour after I had finished my lunch. She continued to do most of the talking and the more she talked the more sullen I became and had less to say. Self-pity had begun to rear its ugly head again and I wasn't in the mood for light chatter. I began to tire while she talked and I started to slide back down under the covers. When I only grunted to her chatter she finally looked at me and her eyes got big as saucers.

"Oh dear, I've worn you out with all my carrying on and I've hardly let you get in a word edgewise."

The pull of sleep slurred my answer. "S'all right. I've enjoyed listening to you. S-s-sorry I've been such poor company." I tried to stifle a yawn in vain.

"I'll shut up now so you can get some your rest." She settled back into the plump armchair and gazed at me with those beautiful green eyes.

I was already halfway there. All I needed to do was close my eyes. I wonder where Slim is. Even as the thought came to me, it quickly vanished as I slowly drifted off to sleep.

****

It was late afternoon when I woke again and the sun's warm rays shining on the covers of the bed had turned them to a reddish gold. I lay there thinking about the bad turn of events and the possibility that I might still go to prison in spite of all the evidence that proved me innocent.

Doc Owen walked in and I looked up at him. "How're you feeling this afternoon, Jess?

"I'm still real sore and then there's this dad-blamed weakness that keeps me from being able to do nothing more than lay here in bed and sleep the day away."

Doc Owen sat down in a small straight chair by my bed. "Whether you believe it or not you're getting stronger every day and you'll find yourself sleeping a lot less as the days pass."

I looked around the room. "Say, where's Slim? I thought he'd be with you."

"He left for Ft. Leavenworth on the morning train with Judge Rawlins. I thought he had told you he was going."

"He mentioned something about going but didn't explain why. I didn't think there was enough time for them to do any good. It seems like there ain't nothing they can do to keep McGary from hauling me off to prison when my time is up."

He explained the purpose of their trip and that they were confident that they would be successful. When he added that there would have to be a hearing and then a new trial I realized he was hedging the facts. I knew that a new trial wouldn't guarantee I'd be found innocent. I realized there were a lot of 'ifs' involved. I wanted to believe that all would turn out okay but with my luck I didn't hold up much hope that it would. I tried to hide my fears but Doc Owen was too observant.

He placed a reassuring hand on my knee. "Jess, you can't let this get you down. Slim said that Judge Rawlins felt fairly confident that he could get the appointment. Don't give up hope just yet. You're not going anywhere until I say you're fit to travel. "

Just then Mrs. Owen appeared in the door carrying a tray of food. "Here you go, Jess. I've included a treat for you." She placed the tray on a nearby table and the sight of the meal almost made me forget my woes.

Doctor Owen helped me to sit up in bed and amazingly after only a little twinge of dizziness I began to feel stronger. He placed the tray of food in my lap and handed me a fork. "I think you should be strong enough now to feed yourself, don't you think?" Grinning I took the fork eagerly and said dryly. "Even if it kills me."

I looked at the food on the tray. Mashed potatoes, gravy and a piece of fried chicken plus a slice of apple pie greeted my eyes. My spirits lifted a bit with this unexpected change in my diet. "Now this is getting to be more like the food I'm used to." I slowly began to eat. It tasted great and I wanted to eat it all, but after a few bites of everything, I felt full and I began to tire.

Doc Owen sat and watched me eat. I had become accustomed to a certain look he had when he had something he wanted to tell me but was hesitant to say anything. Either that or he was waiting until I finished so he wouldn't ruin my appetite. I took one last bite of pie and asked him what was on his mind.

"As Cheryl's godparent I feel I have to ask you this… What are your plans where she is concerned?"

I almost choked on the pie and I coughed. "I-I don't know what you mean."

He smiled and ignored my obvious lie. "I realize that your future is pretty much up in the air right now, but I'm certain that you will eventually be a free man."

I put down my fork and looked at him. Stalling, I wiped my chin with the napkin that Mrs. Owen had tucked under my chin. "If you're asking me if I love her, all I can say is I think I'm falling in love with her more every day."

He looked at me in exasperation. "That's not what I meant and you know it. It's obvious that you both love each other and I think you love her more than you care to admit."

Damn, the man was too observant and I fidgeted with the napkin again. "Cheryl and I only met a couple of weeks ago and during most of that time I've either been drugged, beat-up, dragged all over the country and mostly unconscious. Hell, we barely know each other and I want to be sure of my feelings before I say anything."

Doctor Owen heaved a sigh of relief. "Well, Jess, I'm glad to hear you're being sensible. She told me that she loves you very much and I believe she's hoping to have a future with you."

"Doc, I want only the best for her and I certainly haven't mentioned wanting to marry her." I stared at my hands and shook my head. "'Sides, I don't think I'm good enough for her."

He removed the tray from my lap and placed it on a table and gazed at me intently. "Don't sell yourself short young man. She couldn't do much better than to marry someone such as you."

I studied his eyes and saw that he was being sincere. I thanked him and he helped me settle under the blankets. I told him I was tired and didn't feel comfortable talking about my feelings for Cheryl.

"Of course, we can talk later." He turned down the lamp and left the room.

I had a lot to mull over. I wasn't surprised that the subject of Cheryl's growing affection for me was of some concern to the doctor. Maybe by the end of the week, I'd have a better handle on what lay in store for me. If all went well, then just maybe, I could let myself think about what Cheryl meant to me and if we had a chance of having a future together.

GUILTY

CHAPTER 27

It had been four days since Slim had left. I grew stronger with each passing day and had begun to take a few steps about my room aided by Cheryl and Doctor Owen. Cheryl visited me every day but never stayed more than an hour. Then one day Doctor Owen brought Sheriff Mason to my room and they helped me down the stairs to a bedroom with an outside exit. The next morning after I had finished eating breakfast Cheryl came into my room pushing a wheelchair and announced it was time for me to go outside. She rolled me into the garden and for the first time in two weeks I sat in the sun and enjoyed some fresh air. In the middle of the garden a huge oak tree spread its limbs. A picket fence formed the border of the garden and at its base vibrant spring flowers bloomed. She came to visit every day just before lunch and she would wheel me to the garden and we sat and talked until it was time for lunch.

On the fourth day I was strong enough to walk on my own pushing the wheelchair in front of me for support. I walked from the back door to the big shade tree that was about ten feet away but to me it felt like I had crossed the Great Divide. I collapsed into the wheel chair exhausted, but proud of my accomplishment. Cheryl sat on the grass-covered ground in front of me and leaned her head against my legs as I caught my breath.

She leaned back and gazed up at me with her green eyes twinkling. "Jess, do you love me?"

My heart skipped a beat. She had caught me totally off guard and I didn't know what to say. I knew I had no right to lay a claim on her heart. There was still no word from Slim about my retrial, the sheriff had been hanging around more and more as if he were afraid I might take off.

I realized that here was no way I could let her down easily. "You know you mean a lot to me, Cheryl."

Her mouth formed into a little pout, her disappointment was mirrored in her eyes. "But do you love me?"

I shifted uncomfortably in the chair and ran my hand through my hair nervously. "Like I said you mean a lot to me. I wouldn't be alive it weren't for you."

I swallowed hard and decided that it was time to end it. "We hardly know each other and with a prison sentence hanging over my head I can't to commit to loving anyone."

Immediately I regretted what I had said and tried to soften the blow and caressed her cheek with my thumb. "Anyway, you deserve better than the likes of me."

She sat up, placed her hands on my knees and stared into my eyes. "Jess Harper, I'll be the judge of whether or not a man is good enough for me. Are you going to give me a direct answer or not?"

I sighed, took her hands in mine and gazed at her lovely face. "I've given you the only answer I can right now. I'm sorry if it isn't what you wanted to hear."

Her eyes clouded with tears and she got up and stomped her foot. "Men can be so exasperating sometimes and you're no exception, Jess Harper," she fumed. Then she whirled and ran into the house. I thought I heard the sound of sobbing before she slammed the door behind her.

I wondered if she had told anyone that she had left me alone in the garden. I wondered if I could navigate the distance back to the house on my own even if I wheeled myself in the chair. I decided to rest a bit before I tried.

I must have dozed off and woke when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up and saw Doctor Owen standing in front of me smiling. "Are you ready to go back inside?

I looked blearily up at him and said. "Sure, I must have dozed off."

"Before I take you back would you mind if we talked a minute?"

I rubbed my eyes and tried to clear the last dregs of sleep from my foggy brain. I looked around for Cheryl and remembered she had left me in a huff. "Did Cheryl go home?"

He nodded. "Mrs. Owen said she came into the house crying then ran out the door toward her family's store. Shortly afterwards, she left in a buggy with Nathan. Did you two have an argument?"

The thought of Cheryl with Nathan brought a sharp twinge of jealousy, but I didn't let on. "I guess you could call it a sort of one sided argument." I told him about our conversation and he took it all in without a word.

He patted my shoulder sympathetically. "I know it must have been hard for you to say that to her. But in the long run you may have saved her from a lot of heartache later."

I wiped my hand across my face. "But why do I feel so empty right now? The idea of losing her has made me realize that I love her more than I thought possible." Without realizing it I had just told the doctor what I couldn't admit to Cheryl and even more surprising; I had meant every word.

Doctor Owen patted me on the shoulder. "I'm sorry, son. Let's get you back into the house. I doubt you can drive her away by anything you said because she's too much in love with you."

I took solace in his words and hoped that he was right. He wheeled me into the dining room where my lunch was waiting for me. While I was eating, Sheriff Mason came by with a telegram from Slim. "I picked this up at the telegraph office a few minutes ago. I thought you might want to see it right away." He said.

I looked at it with my heart in my throat. It said, 'Hearing to be held by a Federal Judge Collins in Boulder this Friday. See you Wednesday.' I could hardly believe my eyes. Happy beyond description, I showed Doc Owen the telegram.

He slapped me lightly on the shoulder. "Congratulations Jess. Looks like things are finally going in your favor at last."

"I'm not celebrating until my trial is over and I'm a free man." I still couldn't believe it was true and I didn't want to set myself up for more disappointment. I realized the telegram hadn't changed anything for Cheryl and me. There was no telling how the new judge would handle my case. I shuddered at the thought that he might not grant me a new trial. The only evidence we had was Rafe Connors' confession to a good friend of mine and a girl who's in love with me. I suggested the sheriff contact Mort Cory and tell him about the hearing.

Sheriff Mason nodded. "I sent him a telegram before I came here. I should hear back by tomorrow that is, if Cory isn't out of town. Uh, Jess, there's something else…"

I didn't like the look on his face. He frowned and dropped his gaze to his feet and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. He looked uncomfortable and then he stared mournfully into my eyes.

"Uh, um… Well, it's like this… technically you're still a convicted felon and still my prisoner. Now that you're feeling better I'm going to have to lock you up." He blurted it out in one quick breath.

I dropped the telegram. His words were like a knife twisting in my gut. 'You mean right now?"

"You were so badly injured when we found you that I've let you stay free while you recuperated. Doctor Owen can look after you just as easy there as he can here. I'm really sorry." He looked down at his hat in his hand and fiddled with its brim.

Doc Owen stared at the sheriff in disbelief. "You can't be serious Tom. Jess is still an invalid. He can't even get up out of that wheel chair without help. Confining him to a jail cell is going to slow his recovery."

"I'm dead serious. A few civic-minded townspeople have complained and are demanding that I lock him up. They've even threatened to write to the Territorial Governor if I don't heed their demands. In spite of the evidence they still believe he murdered Reynolds. I'm sorry Jess, but I'll have to take you in now. It could mean my job if I don't."

Doc Owen stepped between the sheriff and me. "No, Tom, I won't let you do it."

"Step aside, Doc, I have no choice." He pulled a pair of manacles out of his belt and gently moved him aside.

"Hold out your wrists, Jess." I complied while staring at him incredulously. He looked at me apologetically as he snapped the cuffs loosely on my wrists explaining it was procedure and he didn't want to give the good citizens of Boulder waiting outside his office further reason to complain.

"Of course not sheriff, we don't want to upset the good folks in this town." I said sarcastically. I figured they were those very same angry folk that had wanted to lynch me after the foreman had read the verdict. I knew there was no use arguing with Mason. I had learned some time ago that the sheriff wouldn't back down once he'd made up his mind about something.

When Sheriff Mason reached under my arm as though to help me to my feet Doc Owen objected and suggested he use the wheelchair to take me to his buggy and then drive me to the jailhouse. I could barely climb into the buggy even with both men practically lifting me into it. When I slumped from exhaustion and dizziness Doc quickly climbed up beside me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I leaned on him for support.

"I've got you, Jess, hang in there." The ride to the jail was a nightmare of ruts and bumps and I hung on to Doc Owen steeling myself against the next jolt. Finally the buggy rocked to a halt and I opened my eyes and looked up. There were about eight men and women standing on the boardwalk in front of the entrance to the jailhouse. Not one had a sympathetic look for me and they all stood with their arms crossed with satisfaction and self-righteousness written on their faces.

As the doc and Mason were helping me down from the buggy Cheryl came rushing up and placing her hands on her hips she demanded. "Sheriff Mason, what do you think you're doing and why is Jess in handcuffs?"

Mason pushed back his hat and looked down at her. "Cheryl honey, he belongs in jail and that's where I'm taking him. The handcuffs are procedure although looking at him right now I hardly think they're necessary. It's more for the benefit of these people you see waiting outside the door. They're the ones who are insisting I put Jess back in a cell. They left me no other choice."

I had managed to get to the ground and Cheryl came and put her arm around my waist pushing the doc aside. She peered up at me with concern. "Jess, are you alright? Doc Owen, look at him he looks terrible. How could you let the sheriff take him back to jail? Are you trying to kill him?"

The sheriff responded, "Cheryl honey, you just don't understand. Doc Owen said he was well enough to be moved and I have no other choice."

I lost all interest in what they were saying. I was concentrating too hard on trying to stay upright. Sweat was pouring down my face and I felt a great need to lie down. But I wasn't about to let anyone know. Between Cheryl and the Doc I stumbled into my cell and stretched out on the bunk shutting my eyes gratefully. I didn't protest when Doc Owen lifted my head and poured a spoonful of Laudanum into my mouth. The last thing I remembered was the sheriff removing my cuffs.

*****

Cheryl fussed over Jess for a few minutes. She pulled a thin blanket up over him and placed a second pillow under his head. "Doc Owen, he looks awfully pale and his breathing seems very shallow. Are you sure he's all right?"

The doctor had brought his bag and he pulled out his stethoscope and listened to Jess' heart and lungs. "He'll be fine, dear. He's just exhausted from the ride over here. The Laudanum I just gave him will help him rest comfortably. I imagine he'll sleep until this evening."

Cheryl seemed satisfied with his answer. "I'm going to the store and ask Nathan to take me home. Jess will need to eat when he wakes up and I want to bring him his dinner, if that's alright with you Sheriff Mason."

"Of course it is. You're welcome to come whenever you like." His smile was genuine and comforting to her.

Doctor Owen stepped out of Jess' cell and spoke to the sheriff. "I'll be going along too. Jess will be fine. He doesn't need me right now but if he complains of pain or becomes ill, you come and get me right away."

"I'll do that, Doc, don't you worry none." The gruff sheriff seemed contrite and more cooperative than usual.

Doctor Owen headed back to his office and Cheryl started down the street in the opposite direction toward her family's store. She had only taken a few steps when Nathan drove up in her family's buggy. He had a broad smile on his face. "Can I give you a ride somewhere? "

"Thanks Nathan I certainly could use it. I was coming to ask you to take me home anyway."

He jumped to the ground and lifted her into the buggy. "Was that Jess I saw going into the jail in handcuffs? What was that all about? I thought he was free and clear of all charges once we proved that Rafe had killed your father."

"It's a long story and I'm really upset about it. Can we not talk about it now?"

"I have something in mind that might cheer you up. Are you up for a ride in the country? I packed a little picnic box and I thought we'd go down to the stream, and visit for bit while we share a snack together. You can tell me all about it when we get there."

"That's very sweet of you Nathan. I'd love to." She actually looked forward to a little diversion for a change.

They soon arrived at their destination Cheryl laid out a blanket, Nathan brought out the picnic basket and they sat down and began to eat in silence.

Nathan broke the silence first. "So, tell me, why did Sheriff Mason take Jess back to jail in handcuffs? Did something happen?"

Cheryl broke into tears and told him everything. He put his arms around her and pulled her close and held her while she cried.

He stroked her hair reassuringly. "There now, it can't be all that bad. Didn't you say Jess is okay? I'll bet he'll be just fine. He's one tough guy and I doubt he'll be any worse off in that jail cell than in a bed at Doc Owen's. You wait and see."

Cheryl eased out of Nathan's arms and wiped away her tears with the handkerchief that he handed her. She fussed with her hair and straightened her dress. "Thank you for being so understanding."

Looking down at her rumpled dress she straightened it and then fussed with her hair.) "I must look a wreck.

She looked up at him pensively. "I've been meaning to thank you for all your help with Jess. If it hadn't been for you, he'd be dead as well as Sheriff Cory and me. You care what happens to him don't you?"

"Sure I do. He saved your life didn't he? I'll always owe him a huge debt because of that. Cheryl, you know that I love you very much and I don't know what I'd have done if you had died that day in that old miner's shack."

"I know you do Nathan and I have to be honest with you. As much as I love you for all that you've done for me I feel it's only fair to tell you that I'm not in love with you."

Nathan smiled at her. "I know, but you can't blame a guy for trying and I'm not going to stop trying either. So you can count on more of these picnics and rides into the countryside and maybe a dinner in town as long as you'll accept my invitations." He got up, pulled a long paper wrapped package out of the buggy and handed it to her. "And I'm going to shower you with these as long as they're available."

Her eyes widened in surprise and she opened the bundle to find a dozen red roses inside. She kissed him on the cheek and squealed with delight, "Oh, Nathan they're beautiful. Thank you so much. No one has ever given me roses before. Where on earth did you get them?"

"I sent to Denver for them and they arrived by train this morning. I was hoping you'd like them." His stuck out his chest proudly and smiled broadly.

"Well, I certainly do. Thank you again so much. This has turned into a wonderful day for me. Especially after the horrible start I had this morning. Thanks again." She leaned over and gave him a light kiss on his cheek.

Nathan's tone turned serious. "What happened this morning? Do you want to talk about it?"

She pushed back a lock of golden hair that had come loose from her ribbon. "I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm so confused I feel like I have to talk to someone. My mother wouldn't be any help and there's no one else. It's about Jess. Are you sure you want to hear this?" She gazed at him questioningly.

"Of course I do if it'll help you feel better."

"Nathan, why are some men so reluctant to express their true feelings about a woman? You don't seem to have any reservations about telling me how you feel. Why is it so hard for Jess to tell me how he feels about me?"

Nathan looked very confused and scratched his head. "Uh, Cheryl how would I know? Do you think he loves you and won't admit it?"

"That's exactly what I think. Why else would I feel the way I do about him if I weren't sure he felt the same way? A woman would be able to sense how a man feels about her, wouldn't she?"

Nathan shifted his position on the blanket and tugged at his collar. "If you say so. Just what did Jess say to you?"

"It's more what he didn't say when I asked him if he loved me."

He swallowed hard before he answered. "You came right out asked him if he loved you and you expected him to say, 'Yes'?"

She nodded her head sadly.

Nathan was becoming very uncomfortable and he fidgeted with his collar again. He thought a moment wondering what tactic to take. "Well, maybe he isn't sure yet and doesn't want you to get the wrong idea. He seems like a pretty square guy. Give him time and I'll bet he'll give you the answer you want to hear."

Her eyes began to shine with happiness. "Oh, Nathan, do you really believe that?"

"Sure, how could he not love you? Seriously, I saw how he looked at you when you two first met. I think he fell in love with you the first time he laid eyes on you." He smiled at her halfheartedly, regretting immediately his decision to reassure her that Harper loved her.

She leaned over and kissed him on lips. "Oh thank you Nathan, I feel so much better now." She looked into his eyes and saw that they had saddened.

"Poor Nathan, it was cruel of me to ask for your advice about Jess. Can you forgive me? I know it must have been very hard for you to be honest with me."

He shrugged his shoulders and said. "I guess I'm too damned honest for my own good."

"You're the truest friend a girl could ever have." She resisted the urge to kiss him again. A twinge of guilt clutched her heart. She felt ashamed for having such unfaithful feelings for another man. She reminded herself that she loved Jess and that Nathan was just a good friend.

Nathan's eyes saddened even more. "If all I'll ever be to you is a friend I want you to know that I'll be your friend for life. If you and Jess do get together, he had better treat you right and provide for you as you deserve or else…"

His words surprised her. She squeezed his arm affectionately. "That's such a sweet thing to say. I don't deserve such kindness especially after I've treated you so selfishly. I'm truly sorry and I hope you'll forgive me for ruining our picnic for you. Do you want to go back now?"

"It is getting late and didn't you say you were going to take Jess something to eat?" He grinned at her crookedly and stood up. "I'm a glutton for punishment, aren't I?"

They packed up the picnic basket and headed for town. They rode in silence each one lost in their own thoughts. Nathan took Cheryl to the local café to pick up something for Jess to eat and delivered Cheryl to the door of the jail. He promised to return later to take her home.

GUILTY

CHAPTER 28

For once, I was awake when Cheryl arrived with my dinner. When I first woke up my heart sank as I realized I was back in my old cell. For a minute, I couldn't remember why, but then as the last of the drug faded away, it came to me and my mood went from bad to worse. Self-pity reared its ugly head again.

Sometime later Sheriff Mason told me that Cheryl would be bringing my dinner soon and my mood brightened a little.

I waited for the better part of an hour for Cheryl to arrive. I wasn't very hungry but I did want to see her again and make sure she wasn't angry with me any more. A fella could dream couldn't he? She arrived with a tray along with a great big smile aimed straight at me. It was as though she was trying to reassure me that all was well between us. Sheriff Mason let her into my cell and provided her with a chair while she watched me eat.

Sitting on the edge of my bed, I ate in silence and she seemed content to watch. I guess we were waiting for the other to say something first. It was a very awkward moment.

We both broke the silence at the same time. "Cheryl, I…" "Jess, I…" We both hesitated waiting for the other to speak again.

She laid a hand on my arm and squeezed it. "Let me go first."

"Alright, I'm listening."

She looked at me tenderly. "I want to apologize for putting you in such an awkward position this morning. I had no right to demand you tell me how you feel about me. I realize now that you were only trying to protect me and I'm willing to wait until the time is right. There, I said it. Now what was it you were going to tell me?"

I stabbed at the food on my plate with my fork. "Uh, actually it's more or less the same thing that you just said. I agree, I don't think now is the right time to discuss our feelings for each other..."

She smiled nodding her head. "I understand, Darling, and I promise not to pressure you again."

I reached out for her hand and squeezed it. "Thank you for understanding. There's too much uncertainty hanging over my head for me to think about anything but getting through each day a little stronger and a little closer to freedom. Being back in this jail cell has been very sobering." I picked up my fork again and started stabbing at my food in frustration.

Cheryl sat down on the cot beside me, put an arm around my shoulders and hugged me. "I wish you didn't have to be in here Jess. It just doesn't seem fair after all you've been through."

I took her hand in mine and caressed it with my thumb. "I'll survive as long as I have you to count on."

She glanced toward the window that faced the street and kissed me lightly on my cheek. "You know you can. I'll always be here for you." She looked down at my hand on her hers and the looked up reluctantly into my eyes. "Well, I'd better be going. Nathan is waiting outside to take me home."

She stood and then bent down reaching out she placed her fingers under my chin, tilted my head up, planted a whopper of a kiss on my lips and then was out of my cell and out the door of the jail before I could say a thing.

She called out over her shoulder. "Good night Jess, I'll be back around noon tomorrow with your lunch. Doc Owen said he'll bring your breakfast over when he comes to check on you."

I watched her leave. Jealousy ate at me and I sat and fumed. Nathan again, he's always there with her bringing her to me and whisking her away as fast as he could. How convenient. I struggled to my feet, wrapped my hands around the bars and leaned my head against them. What chance did I have against him? He was polished and educated and he most surely was in love with her too. I feared it was only a matter of time before I lost her to him.

Sheriff Mason appeared as if from nowhere. He closed and locked my cell door. I hadn't realized that he had left it unlocked while Cheryl was in there with me. Either the sheriff was getting careless or he was just being kind.

True to his word, Doc Owen arrived bright and early with my breakfast the next morning. After looking me over thoroughly he declared that I hadn't suffered any ill effects from the bumpy ride I had getting here. He said I should get up as often as I felt like it and walk around my cell, using the bars of my cell as support. Sheriff Mason even volunteered to let me out of my cell so I could walk around his office when I felt up to it.

After Doc left, I managed two trips around my cell. I still didn't have much stamina and I was worn out so I napped and rested until Cheryl came with my lunch. We sat and talked about nothing in particular until she asked me to tell her more about my past.

"Jess, I want to know all there is to know about you. You told me how you've been on your own since you were fifteen but you didn't say how you managed to survive by yourself at such a tender young age."

I shifted uncomfortably on the cot. "I don't feel comfortable telling you or anyone else about my past. I did nothing I'm ashamed of. Let's just say that I've led a violent life. Most of it wasn't of my own making." I was suddenly overwhelmed with sadness.

She must have noticed the regret in my eyes and she took my hand in hers. "But Jess you didn't have much choice did you? You were so very young when you lost your family. Please don't blame yourself for the life you had to lead."

I shrugged my shoulders. "No matter how hard I try to avoid it, violence still seems to follow me wherever I go. Look what knowing me just a short time did to you." I lay back on the cot and rested an arm over my eyes. I was feeling tired again. I fought to push back the self-pity that wanted to creep into my mind again.

She pulled my arm away from my eyes and looked at me with disdain. "Jess Harper don't you dare blame yourself for what happened to me. I'll have you know that I don't care what you did in the past. All I know is that in spite of all the violence in your life you grew up to be a strong but gentle and caring man."

Her answer took me by surprise. "I hardly think of myself as being "gentle' but I do care what happens to you." I placed my arm over my eyes again and hoped she would drop the subject.

Footsteps approached my cell and I lifted my arm again and saw Nathan standing outside my cell door.

"Hello Jess. How're you doing? Sorry you had to be confined to a cell again." He said.

Before I could answer him, he looked at Cheryl. "Are you ready to leave now? I have to drive out to the Sherwood's to deliver some groceries and thought I'd better fetch you now and deliver you home before I go."

"Thanks, Nathan, I think Jess wants to rest anyway." She looked pointedly at me as if to say that she wasn't through with our conversation and would talk to me later.

She left the jail with her hand resting in the crook of Nathan's arm without even a backward glance at me. She didn't even give me a peck on the cheek to say good-bye. It was becoming painfully obvious that Cheryl was spending a lot of time with Nathan and I don't think he's just acting as a driver for her. I guessed it was only natural. I ain't exactly been great company for her lately. I was so frustrated I started talking to myself aloud. "How can I compete with Nathan lying here in this jail cell? Some suitor I am. I've done nothing but lie on my back for almost the whole time we've know each other."

I got off the cot and tried walking again. I spent the rest of the afternoon passing the time between walking and resting. A couple of times I fell into a troubled sleep.

Each time I walked, I felt stronger. It felt great and at the same time strange to be to be able to stand on my own feet again. At one point during the past two weeks, I had begun to think I was never going to get well. I was sure that I would end my days lying flat on my back unable to move. I took one more lap around my cell, lay back down, and quickly fell asleep.

I slept until Sheriff Mason brought me my dinner that evening.

I looked around the room. The sheriff was the only one there. "Where's Cheryl? I thought she was bringing my dinner."

"Nathan hasn't returned from making his delivery and she had to help her mother close the store. She sent a boy with this message for you and your supper tray."

I took the note and placed the tray on the stool next to my cot. I opened the note and read it." Dearest Jess, I'm so sorry I can't be there tonight. I'll see you tomorrow when I bring you lunch. I'll miss you. Love, Cheryl"

I wondered if Nathan delayed his return on purpose. He could be trying to use that old tactic of 'divide and conquer' so he can get between Cheryl and me. She would be better off if he did win her over. What kind of future could I offer her even if I did go free? I ain't got no home and I'd only managed to save $100 over the past year that I had worked for Slim.

With nothing else to do I got Mason to play a game of checkers until I grew tired and called it a night. During our game he reassured me that my acquittal was sure to be a done deal and I was still hesitant to believe him. Around nine I stretched out on my bunk and closed my eyes. Within minutes, I was fast asleep.

The next two days passed pretty much with the same routine. Cheryl came at noontime with my lunch and we chatted a while and then she would leave with Nathan. Dinnertime was pretty much a repeat of lunchtime. She always embraced me and kissed me when she arrived and left. When we talked, she sat beside me on my bed and held my hand in hers. We kept the subjects of our conversations on a more or less non-personal level. Nathan was always there to take her home. I suspected that he took her on buggy rides into the country afterwards.

I continued to grow stronger with each passing day. I spent less time sleeping and I no longer needed the support of the bars of my cell or furniture while I walked. There had been no news from Slim or the judge. When Tuesday rolled around, I began to worry. By late that afternoon there still was no word from Slim and my strolls around my tiny cell turned into pacing back and forth like a caged animal. Cheryl arrived with my supper at her usual time…

When she arrived, I stopped my pacing and sat down on my bunk. I had worked up a sweat and my legs were aching.

"Jess, what's wrong? You look exhausted. What on earth have you been doing to wear yourself out so much?" She sat down beside me, gave me a hug and kissed me lightly on the lips.

I took a deep breath to slow my breathing. "I'm alright. I guess I've been walking too much today."

"Well, eat your dinner and when you're finished I want you to lie down and get some rest. I think I should leave as soon as you're done. We can visit tomorrow when you're feeling better."

I had lost my appetite. Another day had passed and there was still no word from Slim. My mood had dropped to an all time low. "Cheryl, if you don't mind, I think I'll lie down now. I'm not hungry and you're right I am exhausted."

"But you need to eat to keep your strength up. Something has happened hasn't it? Won't you tell me what's bothering you?" Her eyes began to tear up.

"Cheryl honey, it's nothing. I'm just tired is all. I'll be fine in the morning. I won't be much company if you stay so you might as well go home. Thanks for bringing my dinner and I'm sorry I'm not hungry enough to eat it." I stretched out on my cot and closed my eyes.

Cheryl kissed both my eyes and whispered in my ear. "I'll see you tomorrow. You get some rest now."

GUILTY

CHAPTER 29

The smell of fresh coffee was the first thing I noticed when I woke up. The smell was so strong I could swear it was floating right under my nose. I felt heat and I opened my eyes to see nothing but a big white blob that turned into a coffee cup, as my eyes finally focused. "What, the…." I careful like moved the cup away from my face and saw the beaming face of my pard and boss leaning over me. "Oh, it's you. I shoulda guessed it was you. You're the only one I know who'd have the nerve to pull a stunt like that. Ya coulda scalded me."

"Good morning to you too, Jess. How're ya feeling? You were sleeping so hard I almost hated to wake you but we've got some business to tend to that won't wait." Slim was smiling broadly and seemed very pleased with himself.

I knuckled my eyes to get rid of the cobwebs that lingered in my head. "What? Gimme a minute will ya. I just woke up and I ain't even had a cup of coffee and yer wanting to talk about business? What's so gol'durn important it can't wait until later? What time is it anyway?"

"It's nine o'clock and time to rise and shine. Didn't you get my wire about your new trial? That's what we gotta talk about." He held the cup up again.

I shoved the cup out of the way and sat up. "What wire? I didn't get no wire. What'd it say?"

"Just that the judge in Denver will be coming to Boulder on Friday to preside over your trial personally." He grinned from ear to ear again.

"But Slim, today's Wednesday… I think. If the trial's not until Friday, what's the big rush?"

"None really, I just wanted to see if your mind was functioning okay. Before I left for Denver, you were sorta out of it so to speak. "

"Well, did I pass your test?" I wasn't in the mood for his games and I was feeling a little grumpy.

"With flying colors." He flashed another big toothy smile at me. "Are ya hungry?"

"I'll let ya know after I have some of that coffee you're holding." I swung my feet onto the floor.

He looked at me in surprise. "I go away for a few days and look at the change in you. You're actually sitting up all by yourself."

"That's not all; I've been walking around this cell a lot too."

Slim gaped at me. "Does Doc Owen know you've been up and walking?"

"He's the one that told me to do it. It's been perfect for me. It's small and I have all these bars to hang on to. I think the sheriff did me a favor throwing my ass back into this cell. You know me; I don't stay down any longer than I hafta."

"This is great Jess, but Judge Rawlins and me had kinda based some of your defense on appealing to the judge's sympathy. We were going to bring you into court on a cot. We figured that when they saw how sick you were they couldn't possibly think you were guilty of anything after hearing all the facts." He tried to keep a straight face and failed miserably.

I decided to play along with his little game. I looked at him dumbfounded. "You mean you were actually counting on me to still be sick and that would be part of my defense?"

Slim broke out laughing. "Gotcha! Naw, we're pretty confident that we can present enough evidence to convince any jury of your innocence. Don't forget that day up in that miner's shack three people heard Rafe admit to killing not only Reynolds, but the saloon girl and the deputy."

I shook my head. "I don't remember any of that. I guess I was too far gone by then."

"Jess, when Judge Rawlins and I told the federal judge in Denver what Rafe had done he was more than willing to grant you a retrial. He said that all he had to do was wire Leavenworth and tell them he was granting you a retrial and that he would preside over it himself here in Boulder."

I hadn't noticed that Sheriff Mason was standing in the open doorway of my cell until he spoke. "I just got word from Judge Rawlins that I'm to release you immediately. He also sends his apologies for not being here to prevent the townspeople from making me lock you up."

I was so taken by surprise that all I could say was, "Thanks Sheriff. Slim, can I have that coffee now?"

He laughed, "Is that all you have to say? I thought you'd be jumping up and down for joy and charging out of this cell raring to go."

"It's a lot to take in at one time and I'm just taking it slow and letting it sink in while I drink my coffee. Besides, I'm not up to charging anywhere's just yet. All I can manage is to limp around a little."

"I know that, I was just joshing ya. I have Doc Owen's buggy outside to take you back to his office."

We went to Doc Owen's house where Mrs. Owen greeted me with open arms and then ushered me into their dining room and sat me down to a huge breakfast.

When I finished I thanked her, then walked to my old room and lay down on the bed. Slim's good news was finally sinking in and I was so overwhelmed that I needed time to digest what it all meant for me. I suddenly felt very tired. I still didn't have a lot of stamina and the drain on my emotions was taking its toll too. Slim had followed me into my room and sat down and we talked for a few minutes and then he left. I lay on the bed thinking how my life had suddenly changed for the better. Maybe I could start thinking about a future with Cheryl. Slim said he felt confident that I would be a free man by the end of my trial on Friday.

I lay on my bed until Cheryl arrived. I sat up, dropped my feet over the side of the bed stretching out my hand to her and took hers in mine. "You sure do look beautiful today."

She blushed as usual, pushed a lock of hair off my brow and ran her fingers through my hair in a tender caress. "Are you feeling any better today? You're certainly looking a lot better than you did last night when I left."

I pulled her hand to my lips and kissed her palm. I pulled her closer urging her to sit beside me and I wrapped my arm around her waist and held her tight to me relishing the feel of her body against me. "I feel great now that you're here."

She leaned her head on my shoulder and snuggled up against me. I realized that we had never held each other this way before and yet it felt as natural and comfortable as if we had done it a hundred times before. I cupped her face in my hand and caressed her cheek lovingly.

She looked up into my eyes and said. "This feels good and I feel like I could stay here in your arms forever… However, Mrs. Owen said lunch would be ready in a few minutes and she's liable to come walking through that door any minute to let us know when to come to the table."

She removed my arm from around her waist and looked at me tenderly. "Do you realize that today will be the first time we've had a meal together since that day we took a ride in the country? I can't believe it's only been three weeks ago. It seems more like it's been an eternity."

I grinned at her sheepishly when she pulled herself out of my embrace and I stubbornly held on to her hand. "I know I'll never forget it. It was one of the nicest days I've ever spent in my life."

Her smile was dazzling. "I know I'll never forget it because it was the day I fell in love with you and knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

I let go of her hand and rubbed my neck in frustration. "Cheryl… I…"

"I'm sorry Jess, it's just that I'm so hopelessly in love with you that I'm bursting to tell the world even though Nathan…" Pressing her fingers to her mouth, she stopped before she completed her sentence.

I couldn't help myself and let my jealousy of Nathan take control. "Even though Nathan… what? What were you going to say about him? I've noticed that you've been spending a lot of time with him lately. I guess I shouldn't' be surprised."

"Why Jess Harper I do believe you're jealous and don't you deny it!" She grinned impishly and seemed more pleased than angry.

"I'm no such thing. Why would I be jealous of him? He's just being helpful that's all. I'm right ain't I? 'Sides, I've got no hold on you. You're free to see any man you wish." I bit my tongue and waited for the explosion to go off.

She stood up and stamped her foot. "I can, can I? You have a lot of nerve to sit there and tell me I can see other men when you know that I'm only interested in one man and that's you, Jess Harper." She stormed out of my room sobbing softly.

Damn! I was sure I had blown it this time. I was my own worst enemy. I was unwittingly becoming an expert at ticking her off. I don't have to worry about losing her to Nathan I'm driving her toward him by my own stupidity. I would've gotten up and run after her but I hadn't been able to do much running lately.

I got up and walked to the kitchen hoping to find Mrs. Owen and something to eat. I figured eating something would be a good way to get rid of my frustration. I was in luck. Martha Owen was there and preparing a tray of food.

"Is that for me Mrs. Owen?"

She jumped when I spoke. "Oh, you startled me Jess. You go sit down at the table and I'll bring your lunch to you.

"Yes ma'am, thank you."

She spooned some stew into a bowl and sat it down in front of me. "Jess, did I see Cheryl rushing out of your room just now?"

I had a mouthful of food so I just nodded my head.

"I think she was upset. What did you two argue over this time? You can tell an old woman it's none of her business if you want. I just don't understand how two people as much in love with each other as you two can argue so much."

I jammed a forkful of stew meat into my mouth quick to keep from answering her and almost choked on it. Then I took my time chewing on it while I thought about how to answer her. "I guess I'm just naturally cantankerous, Mrs. Owen. I always come up with the wrong answers to her questions. But, she keeps trying to corner me and I get real defensive when she does. I don't know why I can't just give her a straight answer."

"You love her, don't you?"

"You know I do, but do I have the right to love her?" I angrily stabbed a chunk of potato with my fork and jammed it into my mouth.

She came to the table and sat in a chair beside me. "Only you can answer that question. What's holding you back, Jess?"

I sighed in frustration. "I guess I need time, ma'am, my heart's tellin' me one thing and my head is tellin' me to wait. We barely know each other. I want her to be sure she loves me and that she understands what life with me would be like."

"You poor boy, life's been so cruel to you lately that I don't blame you for taking your time. Cheryl should realize that. Give her time. I'm sure she'll understand." She gave my shoulder a squeeze and went back into the kitchen.

I thought about what she had said. That's what I've been trying to get Cheryl to realize. Time was what I needed. Slim's news this morning made me realize that maybe we would soon have lots of time to sort out our feelings for each other.

I finished my lunch and decided to take a stroll out to the backyard. I walked out to the bench under the tree and sat down. It was great to look out at the world without bars to mar my view. If all went as Slim had promised, I wouldn't have to go back to jail again… At least not until the next time I got into trouble.

Later that afternoon, Slim and Judge Rawlins came by while I was sitting in the shade of my favorite tree. The judge reassured me that I had nothing to worry about and promised that I'd be a free man by Friday afternoon. He explained that the trial was just a formality and it was the only way to clear my name and remove my prison sentence from the records. After explaining that he was going to help Judge Rawlins put my case together for my trial Slim left with the judge. He said he'd come back to see me the next day.

Two more days and I would be a free man… Those words were like music to my ears. I wanted to go tell Cheryl but I thought better of it. I didn't think I could walk that far on my own and I decided it could wait until she joined me for dinner. If… she does.

She arrived on time and we had a quite meal alone outside at the picnic table. I had taken a strong liking to eating outdoors after being cooped up so long either in a bed or in jail.

Several large candles adorned the table; their warm glow made flickering shadows across Cheryl's radiantly beautiful face. We had just finished eating and the quiet of the night was deafening in its silence. We had said little during our meal. Cheryl was unusually silent and pensive.

I cleaned up the last morsel of food on my plate, shoved it aside and reached across the table for Cheryl's hand. "You've been awfully quiet this evening. Is there something you want to say to me?"

She squeezed my hand and looked into my eyes. I could have sworn I saw a tear there. "No, I'm just a little tired this evening." She slapped my hand teasingly. "So, tell me, what is it you want to tell me. You look like you're busting at the seams to let it out."

I grinned at her relieved to see the laughter return to her eyes. "I have great news."

She pulled my hand closer to hers and said, "By the look on your face I can guess that it's something grand… so tell me."

"My retrial has been scheduled for this Friday and it's going to be held here in the Boulder Courthouse. Slim and Judge Rawlins say that by the time the hearing is over, I'll be a free man."

She jumped up from the table, ran around the end and sat down on the bench beside me. "Oh, Jess, that is wonderful news. I'm so happy for you." Then she hugged me and kissed me.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and gave her a long passionate kiss. She rested her head on my shoulder and we sat holding each other for several minutes.

She lifted her head and looked at me. "Jess, would you like to go on a picnic tomorrow? I've already asked Doc Owen if it would be all right and he said it would be good for you. I can pack a lunch and we can go in my buggy." She became quiet again and waited for my answer.

"Sure, I would, that sounds like a wonderful idea. What time do you plan to come by?"

"I'll be here around 11:30 a.m. The place I have in mind is about a half-hour's drive from here. Is that alright with you?"

"Sure."

"It's settled then. If I'm going to make lunch, I suppose I should go home and prepare it. See you tomorrow." She kissed me on the cheek, stood up and left before I could answer her. I watched her retreating back, admiring her hourglass figure and the back and forth sway of her ample hips as she walked away.

I went to bed early feeling more optimistic than I had in weeks.

GUILTY

CHAPTER 30

It was Thursday, and one day away from my trial. I went out to the backyard to wait for Cheryl to arrive. I felt like a new man. I sat down under my favorite tree to wait for her.

Cheryl was all smiles as she drove up. She nimbly hopped down from the buggy, ran up to me and gave me a big hug and a kiss. "Are you ready to go, darling?"

"I sure am." We walked arm in arm to the buggy and I slowly climbed into it while she practically bounded into it like a cat.

She gave me a big smile and clucked to the horse. "Giddup Buster." And off we went.

We rode along for several minutes in silence. "You sure are quiet this morning. Anything you want to tell me, Cheryl?"

She shrugged her shoulders and shook her head. "Nothing special I'm just thinking how nice it is to be with you and have you all to myself."

We rode along without another word. The clip clop of the horse's hooves was the only sound breaking the silence as it trotted down the faint trail to our destination.

Arriving at the stream Cheryl jumped down, grabbed a blanket and the picnic basket and headed for a shady spot near the stream. I eased myself slow like to the ground and walked over to her. She smiled up at me and I saw that her eyes were filled with tears. Is that tears of happiness I see there? I sank down on the blanket beside her, reached out, cupped her face in my hand. I caressed her cheek with my thumb.

"Cheryl honey, what's the matter. Why are you crying?"

She leaned toward me and wrapped her arms around me; laying her head on my shoulder. "Oh, Jess, I had it all figured out. I wanted this picnic to be perfect for you but my heart is aching too much. I have something I need to say to you and I'd better do it before I lose my nerve."

Here it comes. She's about to tell me that she's going to marry Nathan, I'll bet. Harper you blew it by letting your head and not your heart guide you. Maybe it's not too late.

I gently removed her arms from around me and eased her back so that I could look into her eyes. "Cheryl, I want you to know that I love you very much. I'm sorry I haven't been able to say this before. I've waited to tell you because I wanted you to be sure of how you felt about me. I've loved you from the very first moment I laid eyes on you. Even then, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you." I took her hands in mine. Cheryl Reynolds will you marry me?"

She laid her head on my shoulder again and started to cry even harder. "Oh, Jess. Hold me tight, please. I love you so much and I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you too."

I put my arms around her and held her close. "Then why are you crying so hard? I thought that's what you wanted me to say." I'll never understand women.

She sat up again and wiped the tears from her eyes with a handkerchief. "Silly man, I've known all along that you loved me and now to hear you say so only makes it harder for me to tell you what I have to say."

"What is it Cheryl, now you've got me worried… It's about Nathan isn't it? He's proposed to you and you've accepted."

"No, Jess, that's not it at all I'm not marrying anyone. I brought you here to tell you that I'm leaving Boulder tomorrow…

"But, you… I was panicking.

She put a finger to my lips to silence me. "Don't worry I'll be there to testify at your trial and then I'll be leaving on the afternoon train for Boston."

I was dumbfounded and couldn't believe my ears. "But Cheryl, I thought you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. You just said you did. So why are you leaving?"

"Jess, it's so very complicated and I'm not sure I understand it myself. All I know is that I have to leave Boulder and you."

I grabbed both her arms and pleaded with her. I couldn't believe I had heard her right. "You're not making any sense. Is it something I've done? Is there anything I can do to make you change your mind?"

"In part it is your fault but not in a bad way. It was foolish of me to insist that you tell me that you loved me, especially when I knew in my heart that you did."

A tear trickled down to her chin and she paused to catch it with her handkerchief.

"Each time I ran off in tears I found myself with Nathan and seeking comfort in his company. He's been very understanding and a good friend. Did you know he loves me and wants to marry me? He's asked me to marry him on several occasions."

That was not something I wanted to hear. "I gathered he loved you but I didn't know he had asked you to marry him. But what has that got to do with your leaving Boulder and me?"

"It has everything to do with you, Jess. You see…" She took a deep breath.

"I love Nathan almost as much as I love you and it's confusing to me."

She took my hand in hers and squeezed it. "You were right to keep a tight rein on your feelings. If you hadn't I wouldn't have sought out Nathan and realized that I didn't love you as much as I thought I did. Now I know I'm not ready for the kind of commitment true love demands. It wouldn't be fair to either one of you."

"If you think you're confused then I'm even more confused." Actually, I understood but it didn't help the aching in my heart. "What are you going to do in Boston?"

"I decided to enroll in school there and study medicine. Doc Owen helped me pick the school and he's certain I'll be accepted with the recommendation he's writing for me."

She wiped the tears from her eyes with her kerchief. "I'm so sorry I've misled you. I really do love you immensely but it's just not enough. You deserve more than I can give you right now and it's tearing me apart. If I don't do this now I know I'll end up hurting you and I can't let myself do that to you." She leaned against me and hid her face on my shoulder sobbing softly.

I stroked her golden hair and tried to comfort her. My heart was breaking. "Cheryl honey all I want is for you to be happy. I would never try to keep you from leaving. I appreciate your honesty and I think I understand what you're trying to tell me but it doesn't make it any easier for me." Actually, I was confused as hell but I couldn't stand to hear her cry.

She sat up, wiped the last tear from her cheek and smiled. "I'm so glad you understand. I'll always love you and you'll always have a special place in my heart. Maybe someday I'll be able to sort out my feelings and we can try again."

I pushed back a stray wisp of her hair and caressed her cheek. "Don't make promises that you can't keep. When you leave here, I don't want you to ever look back and wonder what could have been."

I placed both hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "Your whole life is ahead of you and you can't lead it based on 'what ifs'. Live it to the fullest. What we've had has been very special to me. I'll never forget you." My heart was breaking with every word I uttered but I knew I had to let her go.

She smiled at me wistfully. "You are way too wise for your own good, Jess Harper. This is not the reaction that I had expected from you. Thank you so much for being so understanding. You certainly aren't making it easy for me to leave you." I grinned lopsidedly and shrugged my shoulders. "What can I say, I'm a fool for letting you off the hook this easy but I'm doing it because I love you. I'm sure going to miss you."

She leaned toward me and we kissed and embraced. Then I pulled away from her and stood up.

She stretched her arms out to me indicating she wanted help to stand. "Let's go for a walk and pretend we have forever to be together if just for a little while." Her eyes brimmed with tears again and she wiped them away.

We walked together with our arms around each other like two lovers who had no tomorrows until the sun began to set on the horizon; its golden orb settling between the two mountains in the west. She drove us back home and I sat next to her gazing at her beautiful face while trying to paint an everlasting picture of her in my mind. She had said I was too wise for my own good but it was she who was wise beyond her tender years.

We arrived at Doc's office just at sunset and we kissed lingeringly one last time. I climbed down from the buggy and without looking back I entered. As I closed the front door behind me, I heard her drive away. I was in no mood for company so I went straight to my room and closed the door. I sank down on the bed exhausted both emotionally and physically. I don't know how long I lay on the bed thinking of what she had told me. My arms ached to hold her again. I couldn't imagine life without her and I couldn't get her out of my mind. Without her, the outcome of my trial tomorrow didn't matter to me anymore. I felt like I was dying inside. I lay on the bed trying to figure out what I could've done to make things different until I realized that our love was doomed from the start. Maybe, if her father had let us be… we would've had a chance. With that thought tearing at my heart I rolled over and fell into a troubled sleep.

GUILTY

CHAPTER 31

I didn't wake until the sun rising above the horizon shone its bright rays on my face. I opened my eyes and for a moment, I couldn't remember where I was. While I had slept, I dreamt that I was home at the Sherman Ranch and lying in my own bed. The trial was over and I had been found not guilty. Slim had brought me home and Jonsey had immediately ordered me to bed. I was so glad to be home I didn't argue with him.

When I woke, I couldn't shake the dream and it felt like I was home. Then reality took over and I remembered where I was. Today was the day I'd been waiting for with apprehension and anticipation. I hope my dream comes true. I don't think I can take another setback in my life right now. The vision of Cheryl's face when we had said good-bye flickered before my eyes. My heart ached for her and I couldn't get her out of my mind. I squeezed my eyes shut and willed myself to push all thoughts of her out of my mind, at least for now, anyway. I needed to concentrate on what was happening today and get through my trial a free man.

I sat up and looked down at myself. I had fallen asleep fully clothed including my boots. I was a rumpled mess, which wasn't anything new for me. I can't go to court looking like this. I wonder if there's an old shirt in that closet that will fit me. I walked over to the closet and looked inside. The only thing hanging on the rod was a shirt just like the one I was wearing except it was new. I smiled and thought of Cheryl. She must have had it brought over while we were on our picnic ride.

I went to the washstand, looked in the mirror and rubbed the stubble on my chin. I needed a shave too. I washed up shaved and put on the new shirt. It took me about a half an hour to clean up and by the position of the sun; it looked like I had about another hour before the rest of the household got up. I decided to go for a walk.

"Hey, Jess wait up." Slim's familiar voice behind me stopped me in my tracks as I headed down Main Street.

I turned around and waited for him to catch up. "Hey, Slim, what're you doing up so early?"

"I could ask you the same thing. Aren't you afraid of being too worn out when it's time to go before the judge?" He stepped along beside me and I set out again at my usual snail's pace walk. Slim struggled to match my stride with those long legs of his.

"I wasn't planning on going very far. I'm just trying to pass the time until my trial starts. You did say it starts at nine didn't ya?"

"That's right. I was heading over to the Doc's to wake ya and see if you wanted to come have breakfast at Mary's café with me. I figured I'd come early and wake ya so you could get cleaned up before we go." He looked at my new shirt, grabbed my chin, surveyed my freshly shaved face and smiled. "It looks like you beat me to it."

I pulled his hand off my chin and grinned halfheartedly. "Breakfast sounds good. I didn't have any dinner last night and lunch was sorta forgotten. Now that you mention it, I'm downright starving. Let's go."

We went to the café and ordered steak and eggs. As we ate, Slim kept looking at me kinda funny. "What?" His stares had begun to annoy me and I glared at him.

"What happened on that picnic with Cheryl yesterday? That long face you're wearing this morning makes me think that you two had another fight. "

"It's none of your business." I cut a off a chunk of steak and popped into my mouth chewing it slowly. Damn him and his perceptive self; I can't keep anything from him.

He pointed his fork at me. "It is my business and your business if she's so mad at you she doesn't show up to testify for you at your trial this morning."

"Trust me Slim, she's not mad at me and she will be there to testify."

He wiped his face with his napkin and threw it on the table. "Then if you two didn't have a fight and she's not mad at you why're you looking like you've just lost your best friend?"

"I told you it's none of your business." I stood up, glared at him and then turned to leave. All my pent up emotions came boiling to the surface and hit me in the pit of my stomach. I sat back down, put my elbows on the table and rested my head in the palms of my hands.

"I'm sorry Slim; I can't talk about it now. It hurts too much. I'll tell ya later. You'll be able to figure it out for yourself this afternoon anyway."

He patted my arm. "Okay Jess, I'll drop it. I'm sorry. Whatever it is, it's sure got you shook up."

I raked my fingers back and forth through my hair trying to make it behave. I looked questioningly at him. "So what are we waiting for now? We've eaten breakfast and it's only 8:30. My trial doesn't start for another half hour."

"Actually, we're waiting for Judge Rawlins and Mort to show up. The judge wants to talk to you and Mort about your testimonies and make sure you do nothing but answer the questions he asks you. He already talked to Cheryl last night."

"When did Mort get here? Why didn't you tell me he's here?"

"I'm tellin' you now. He arrived last night on the last train from Cheyenne. We went straight to the Doc's house to see you but you were out like a light."

"Sorry, I guess I'm a little nervous this morning what with the trial and all I'm not as positive as you are that things are going to turn out as well as you think it is."

Slim leaned back, shoved his thumbs in his gun belt, and looked me over. "I'd say you're more than just a little nervous. It's understandable but according to Judge Rawlins, you don't have a thing to worry about."

Mort and Judge Rawlins arrived at that moment, sparing me more sage observations from Slim. The judge explained that my trial was just a formality. Then he said that he had told Judge Collins that I wanted to waive my right to a jury trial. He said we were going to leave the decision of my fate in the hands of the Federal Judge instead of a jury made up of citizens of Boulder. He reassured me that it was safer that way and would be over quicker too.

I frowned and looked closely at the judge. "Judge Rawlins, is it wise to leave my fate in the hands of one man? What if he has something against me or doesn't like ex gunslingers? Can we trust him?"

Judge Rawlins laid a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "Jess, I've known Judge Collins for a long time and I don't know a fairer man to preside over a court. He was genuinely concerned for you when he heard what you'd been put through by Rafe Connors' treachery. He's the one that suggested we waive your right to a jury trial. I truly believe we can trust him."

Mort spoke up. "I've heard he's a fair judge and a good man, Jess. I agree with Judge Rawlins. I think he'll do right by you."

The judge added, "Considering the fact that some of the townspeople still blame you for Gabe Reynolds' death, it's the smart thing to do. I can't believe they made Sheriff Mason put you back in jail."

I nodded in acceptance and took a shuddering breath. "Well, neither could I. But, I survived. I hope I never see the inside of a jail cell ever again."

The judge pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time. "Well, Jess boy, it's time. Are you ready for this?"

"I guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be." My stomach felt like it was beginning to tie itself up in knots and I swallowed hard and tried to relax. I stood up and we headed for the door. My heart began to pound and an unfamiliar feeling of fear pressed in on me. I shook it off and took a deep breath.

Slim stepped alongside of me and put an arm across my shoulders and gave me a reassuring squeeze. "Jess, try and relax. You're so tense you look like you're guilty of something. You'll make it through this just fine. You'll see."

"I wish I had your faith. It's my future we're talking about here and this mess ain't over until the judge says I'm a free man." Following his suggestion, I took another deep breath and tried to relax. It helped some and my heartbeat slowed but the knot in the pit of my stomach remained.

Sheriff Mason met us outside the café. He was leaning on the hitching rail as though he had been waiting for a while. When he saw me, he stood up and held out a set of handcuffs motioning for me to hold out my wrists.

I looked at Judge Rawlins and he nodded his head. "Sorry, Jess, but it's for Judge Collins and the townspeople's benefit. He doesn't know that I've let you run loose the last couple of days. Sheriff Mason will remove them once you're settled in the courtroom."

I held out my wrists and the sheriff locked the cuffs onto them. Then he took me by the elbow and led me toward the courthouse with my friends following behind.

When we arrived, I was surprised to see a lot of people standing outside. A few looked very angry. Two sheriff's deputies stood guard at front of the door. Inside, the courtroom was packed with spectators. I looked around and saw mostly friendly faces and some that weren't. They made me feel uneasy. Sheriff Mason removed my cuffs and we all sat down.

Judge Collins introduced himself, called the court to order and asked the prosecutor to present his case. The judge was a lot younger than Judge Rawlins and he sat tall and straight behind the bench.

The prosecutor stood up. He had a stack of official looking papers in his hand. "Your honor, I have reviewed all the new evidence presented to me in this case and I have no other choice but to drop all charges against Mr. Harper and have them stricken from his record."

The prosecutor looked at some papers on his desk and then continued. "In light of my findings I request that the court overturn Mr. Harper's conviction and subsequent sentence and strike them from his record also." He handed the papers with his findings to Judge Collins.

The prosecutor turned toward me and smiled. He walked over to me and shook my hand. "Mr. Harper I want to extend my deepest apologies for the trouble this court and town has caused you."

I nodded my thanks and smiled. I was almost speechless. "Does this mean I'm free?"

The courtroom began to buzz with the voices of the spectators. Some clapped and cheered and others protested.

The judge banged his gavel on the bench and called the court to order.

He gave me a stern look. "Jess Harper, please stand before the court while I pronounce my findings."

I swallowed hard. He didn't look too friendly and the knot in my stomach tightened more. My heart started to pound again. I squared my shoulders standing as tall and straight as I could.

Judge Collins' stern face spread into a broad smile. "Mr. Harper by the authority vested in me by the Territory of Colorado I find you not guilty on all charges. Your conviction and sentence are hereby reversed. You are free to pursue your life and dreams to their fullest." He banged his gavel twice on his bench. "Court's dismissed."

I was dumbfounded. I swallowed and finally found my voice. "You mean it's over and I'm free? That's all there is to it?"

Judge Collins smiled even bigger. "There are a few papers for you to sign and paperwork to be sent off to Leavenworth. Yes, I meant it when I said you are a free man."

"Thank you so much, Judge Collins." Slim grabbed my hand and started shaking it and grinning from ear to ear.

"Slim, did ya hear? I'm free! We can go home now." I was so excited that I continued to pump Slim's hand up and down until he laid his left hand on top to stop me.

Slim gave me a bear hug and slapped me on the back. "Congratulations Jess. Your ordeal is finally over."

I looked around for Cheryl but she wasn't in the courtroom. I realized that she hadn't come in at all. Suddenly a lot of well-wishers wanting to shake my hand and offer their congratulations surrounded me. Slim put a protective arm across my shoulders and guided me toward the exit. Mort and Sheriff Mason drove a wedge through the crowd as we headed for the street. Doc Owen drove up in his buggy and motioned for Slim and me to get in.

Slim helped me up and then turned to Mort. "Mort, will you and Sheriff Mason bring Judges Rawlins and Collins down to the Doc's house? We're going to have a celebration."

"Sure, Slim, we'll see you there in a few minutes." Mort walked back into the courtroom followed by Sheriff Mason.

With the preparations for my retrial, we had forgotten about U.S. Marshal Branch McGary. He showed up with the Tumbleweed wagon just as I climbed into Doc's buggy. We were surprised to see him and I asked him why he was two days late.

"Judge Collins ordered me to delay my arrival in Boulder until today. By the look on everyone's faces, I gather that your retrial went well, Jess. Congratulations, my boy."

He gathered up his reins and clucked to his horses. "Well, I'll be leaving shortly; I'm expected to pick up another prisoner in a little town near here. See ya around, Jess."

"McGary, why don't you light a while and join us in the celebrating?" I asked hopefully.

He smiled broadly and nodded his head. "I'd be glad to; I thought you'd never ask."

We all laughed and Mac clucked to his team again. "Just lead the way."

We arrived at Doc's office and went inside to his parlor. I headed for the nearest chair and collapsed in it. My head was spinning. The trial was over so quick that I wasn't sure I wasn't dreaming again. I couldn't believe that it was over and I was finally a free man.

Judge Rawlins walked in followed by Judge Collins and Mac. Judge Rawlins walked up to me and patted me on the shoulder. "Congratulations Jess, you are now officially a free man."

"It was over so fast my head is still spinnin'. Why all the talk about testimonies and evidence, Judge Rawlins? Why didn't you tell me it was going to be over so fast?"

"I'm sorry Jess, but I didn't know for sure. The prosecutor had been out of town since your trial and had just returned last night. Sheriff Mason and I went over the evidence with him and he said he'd study it and make a decision this morning before court convened. I had hoped he would drop the charges but I wanted to be prepared to present a defense if he insisted in proceeding with a full trial."

Judge Collins sat in a chair across from me and looked at me intently. "I hope you realize, son, just how lucky you are to have so many friends pulling for you. I am truly impressed with the lengths they have gone to see justice done. Congratulations my boy. I'm glad I was able to contribute a small part in your exoneration. I'm going to personally see to it that your slate is wiped clean."

I reached out and shook his hand. "Thank you, Judge Collins. That means a lot to me."

My throat constricted with emotion and I had to swallow hard to control my voice. "I want to thank you all for your faith in me and for all your help. I couldn't have survived a day of these past two weeks without all your support. If ya'll don't mind I'm feeling kinda tired all of a sudden. I think I'll go lie down for a while. I'll join the party a little later."

Slim and Mort came over to me followed by Doc Owen. "What's wrong Jess? Are you all right?" Doc Owen put a hand to my forehead.

"I'm fine. Too much has happened and too quick. It's more than I can digest all at once. I was expecting the worst and to have it all over so fast has left me drained. I'll be okay after I rest awhile and have a little time to myself sort it all out."

I went to my room and stretched full length on my bed. I hadn't lied to them. I was a little unnerved but I was also feeling disappointed. I had hoped to see Cheryl one last time when she testified for me. I couldn't believe she didn't come to the courtroom this morning. We had said our goodbyes last night and I suppose I'd have to settle for that.

A gentle knocking on my door broke into my thoughts. "Come in."

I sat up when Mrs. Owen stepped into my room and handed me a note. "Cheryl stopped by this morning and left this note for you. She asked me to give it to you after your trial was over. She told me she was leaving. I'm sorry Jess; I know how much she means to you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Owen." I gingerly took the note from her hand. The faint scent of lilac reminded me of her beautiful face and perfectly shaped body.

She left my room and I lay back down again. With trembling fingers, I slowly opened the folded pages and began to read…

Dearest Jess,

By now, your trial is over and I will be well on my way to Boston. I am convinced that you will be set free. The prosecutor came by to see me last night and asked me questions about what happened that day up in that old miner's shack.. When I finished he asked me to write it all down on paper and sign it. He told me that with my deposition and the one he had obtained from Sheriff Cory there would be no need for me to testify because there would be no trial. He told me he was going to drop all charges against you and ask the judge to set you free.

There is a train leaving for Denver this morning and I have switched my tickets and will be leaving about the time that court convenes. I've decided this was the best thing for the both of us. I know I would only cry if I saw you again and it would only confuse and hurt you even more.

I am so happy for you Jess. I hope that some day you can put all that's happened behind you. When I started this letter, I had planned to ask you to forget me. Nevertheless, I do want you to remember me and the special time we had together. I know I will because you are my first love. My mother taught me that last night as I cried myself to sleep in her arms. Mother explained to me that a first love is very special and that I should keep its memory with me forever. I will Jess; I'll never forget you. Thank you for opening up a completely new world to me.

I wasn't very truthful when I told you I loved Nathan almost as much as I do you. The truth is, I felt myself falling in love with him and at the same time, I was falling even more in love with you. That's when I realized that I had to let you both go. I could never love him as much as I love you and I doubt that I'll ever be able to love anyone as much as I love you now. Because I found myself falling in love with Nathan also is why I have to leave. That is my dilemma and my curse. I know if I stay, one day I would hurt you badly, even more than I have today.

Be happy for me Jess. I know you'll find happiness someday. There's bound to be a very lucky woman somewhere soon in your future that is more deserving of your love than I and especially one that will love you and only you. I wish that for you with all my heart and I wish you all the happiness the world has to offer.

With all my love, Cheryl

My eyes began to sting with tears as I read her letter. I folded it with care and put it in my pocket over my heart. She was right, I was very confused and my heart was breaking. At the same time, I realized that she had made the right decision. My heart ached to be with her and hold her in my arms just once more. I knew I had to let her go. I touched the pocket with her letter in it. "Goodbye, Cheryl, I'll keep our time together close to my heart forever too."

GUILTY

EPILOGUE

I had been home for three weeks. I had insisted that Slim and I leave for home on the train the following Wednesday after my retrial. Slim had balked at the idea saying that I wasn't well enough to travel. Doctor Owen agreed with him, but I told them both that I'd had enough recuperatin' and it was time for me to go home. I argued that all I needed was some of Jonesy's good cookin' and nursin' and I'd be good as new in no time. It was a long train ride and a long uncomfortable stage ride from Cheyenne to Laramie. Slim threatened to haul me off the stage when he saw how uncomfortable I was from the bouncing and swaying coach. I couldn't hide the grimaces I made caused by every jolt of the coach when it ran over rut after rut. But, I insisted that I would be all right and that I all I wanted was to be home and in my own bed. By the time we arrived at the ranch I felt like my insides had been turned to mush. I was so exhausted Slim practically had to carry me into the house. Jonesy took one look at me and ordered me to bed. He gave Slim hell for bringing me home in such bad shape and I got a tongue-lashing for making him do it. I just smiled and told Jonesy that I was happy to see him too

During the past three weeks, I had gained back half of the weight that I'd lost, thanks to Jonesy's cooking, and I was growing stronger every day. I still tired easy but Doctor Long said that with time my endurance would return to normal. Some things that had happened to me in Boulder are still hazy but I've learned to live with it.

As Doc Owen had told me before I left, "Jess, some of the things that happened to you just aren't worth remembering." I've accepted that and have put that part of my life behind me. Everything but the time I had spent with Cheryl. I didn't believe I would ever get over her. My heart ached every time I thought of her

It was early summer and I had been chopping wood for the cook stove for most of the morning. I usually found it relaxing to drive the heavy axe into the wood and watch the logs split into perfect sized pieces for a cook fire. It was also a great way to get rid of my frustrations when things weren't going well for me. Today I was feeling particularly frustrated. The cause of my bad mood rested folded in my right shirt pocket.

A letter from Cheryl had arrived for me on the morning stage. Mose teased me about it smelling like lilac water. When I saw who it was from, I eagerly tore open the envelope anxious to read what Cheryl had to say. In the back of my mind, I had hoped that she was writing to tell me that she had changed her mind about school and was coming to Laramie to marry me.

When I read her letter, I couldn't believe what it said…

Dearest Jess,

I have the most wonderful news. I have been accepted into the medical school here in Boston. The classes are hard and studying is taking up almost all of my time. In spite of all the studying I have to do, I've made it a point to take the time to socialize with my fellow students.

Jess, I had no idea when I enrolled here that I would be one of only three girls in a school of 150 students. I'm surrounded by men. If I accepted all the invitations that I've received to dinner and picnics since I arrived here I would never have time to study. I'm having a wonderful time and I'm learning a lot about medicine too.

Even though I miss you terribly and I think of you every day, I realize more than ever that I made the right decision in coming here. I'll never forget the time we had together and at times, I wish it could have been different for us. I know now that I would have only hurt you more than I already have if I had stayed with you.

Be happy for me Jess for I'm very happy here and where I want to be at this time in my life.

Your ever loving, Cheryl

That's when I picked up the axe and started flailing away at the firewood. Slim rode up while I was still taking my frustration out on the wood.

"Hey, Pard, take it easy on the wood. You need to save some big chunks for the fireplace too."

I looked up and glared at him daring him to say another word.

He ignored me. "What's got you so riled this morning?"

"Wimmen… End of subject." I picked up an armload of kindling and stomped into the house leaving a dumbfounded Slim bewilderedly scratching his head as he sat astride Alamo.

The End

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